Night Planet

Deepest Days

2006-08-01T13:17:00.000-04:00

When its hard to breathe, life is like a waking coma without a breeze, and the air is thick and weighs something.....

...a surreal wander through an old creepy town in the hills and a graveyard.

Hiding from the suns glare underneath a curious large tree sprouting over ancient headstones, broken and barely legible heaps some of them.

Where did that pipe come from, it just appeared

the silence makes a nice escape, and completes the daydream, until someone insists on yelling a murderers name 3 times while standing on his resting place...tempting whatever there is.

Heros and condemned men only a stones throw apart for generations and seasons upon a sleepy hill. What defining moment would I want on my marker? Maybe there is a reason this practice has fallen by the wayside.....I'm picturing "He was an Honor Student at Liberty Valley High School 2007 -2011, he went on to a lucrative and rewarding career in law.""

Hiatus About to End

2006-05-23T09:51:00.000-04:00

Sorry to all the adoring fans for the long wait, but Stanley has been concentrating on his music and getting his band ready for the summer/keeping his business going/visiting with relatives etc. Nothing to write about, so he hasn't.

He informs me that he may be posting again as soon as tonite, and has decided against deleting his blog, even though internet people sometimes get on his nerves, he admits to being one of them.

Thanks you for your time, more to come, a different angle perhaps, we doubt it.

His thought for the morning: "If you try to climb Mt. Everest, you just might die," and "Why the hell would I ride a motorcycle?"

Things I Learned on Vacation

2006-05-01T23:12:00.000-04:00

People are nice in Alabama, and the air smelled like flowers. Staying in 2 million dollar condos at the beach in Florida is nice, and you'll fit right in....

and Michael McDonald should record this as his next double album, motherfuckers:

Doing What I can
Driving with Phil Mickelson
Casual Fridays
Dockers Blues
Dinner and a Movie
Drivin' the Speed Limit (to your love)
Bud Light on a Sunday
.comversation
Strictly Business
Giving 'em what they Want
Chillin' at Chilis
Heatin' it Up
Just Reporting the Facts
I've got a PopSecret
I'd Like to French You (but we're not married yet)
2 Tickets Please
It Keeps You Regular
I Need to Work on my Short Game
As Is
Close on the Toast

and that's that. If you take offense to light rock parody, please exit and enjoy the sitcom Becker, which is likely on your plasma screen.

Pig's Lipstick

2006-04-19T16:44:00.000-04:00

Now that Scott McClellan has resigned his post as white house marionette, we are pondering his bright future. We figure that if he could take on the insurmountable task of making shit seem like gold and fail, that he should be qualified to make shit seem like platinum.

1. Spokesman for Big Tobacco-Should be a walk in the park after what he's been through, after all, Cancer pales in comparison to impending religious wars.

2. Doctor - We could see him informing patients of their imminent death due to chronic lymphoma with a smile. He'll get them looking on the bright side.

3. EPA Spokesman - No one could make ozone loss, greenhouse gas emissions, and global warming sound so sexy...until another president comes into office and this department resumes PROTECTING the environment, then he will quit again.

4. Lawyer - This should probably be number 1, if he is able to argue for absolute madness, then he should continue defending the mad.

5. Ohio State University Athletics Director - No one could defend bribes and preferential treatment like he could, he fits in well with the "thinking they hit a home run when they were born on third base" crowd.

6. Junkie - In case he just wants to get a way from it all.

7. Campaign Manager for Kenneth Blackwell - He's worked for Bush, now how about the rising terror from Cincinnati threatening to take over the state. They probably already know each other through the Diebold voting machine scandal of 2004.

8. Wal Mart PR - Tell us why its good that these giant stores are destroying land all over America, and fueling the rise of China.

9. Campaign Manager for Hillary Clinton - Why not, is there really such a difference between this and his old job?

10. Wife of Jerry Fallwell - Maybe he wants to be taken care of for a change, like as a member of Jerry's gay harem. True he's a little old, but it might feel nice to be pampered.

11. WINNER - Pharmaceutical Industry Ad Reader - "May cause anal leakage, blood clotting, irritability, sexual side effects, green urine, leprosy, hair loss, hair gain, dialated pupils, death of the first born...."

Pre-Crips

2006-04-18T17:36:00.000-04:00

If you thought UK football hooligans and Oakland Raider fans were bad, thank a higher power that you were not born during the age of the dinosaur....and some evangelicals probably do considering many believe the two co-existed 5,000 years ago, using their brilliant biblical interpretation of geology and paleontology. Too bad none of those types stumble across this blog to argue, for a few minutes, then they would have to go.

BBC
One of the biggest of the meat-eating dinosaurs may have hunted in packs, according to experts in Argentina.
At least seven T. rex-sized Mapusaurus roseae have been found together in the fossil-rich Patagonia region of the country.
A pack hunting strategy might have enabled the two-legged carnivore to overpower even bigger plant-eating sauropod dinosaurs.

Co-author Rodolfo Coria of the Carmen Funes Museum in Plaza Huincul, Argentina, said the dig showed evidence of social behaviour in Mapusaurus.
The excavation 24km (15 miles) south of Plaza Huincul found hundreds of bones from several Mapusaurs but none from any other creature. Dr Coria said the evidence suggested the animals were together before they died.

Philip Currie of the University of Alberta in Canada speculated that pack hunting could have allowed Mapusaurs to prey on the biggest known dinosaur, Argentinasaurus, a 37.5m-long (125ft) plant-eater.

Hard to imagine gangs of 41 foot long carnivores roving the very ground we walk on for some maybe, but I'm afraid one of those giant prehistoric sharks are going to swim towards me while I'm in the ocean. Sometimes a vivid imagination can be a liability, quite often actually.

Suddenly the modern world seems like Candyland.

Modern Tribal

2006-04-18T16:57:00.000-04:00

Looks like Mr. Cruise is trying to appear human recently. He casually joked about eating his babies umbilical cord, playing it down, though not so convincingly. I have a feeling he will be at Katie Holmes bedside spooning in forkfulls of afterbirth. Then he will take a few bites and get a dreamy look in his eye, Katie will follow suit under pressure from the scientologist overlord taking in the whole scene to ensure Cruise does it right.

He also insisted that the "silent birth" was for the benefit of the mother, as if onlookers are the ones who generally scream during childbirth.

BBC

Cruise plays down 'placenta plan'

Cruise stars in Mission Impossible III, due out in May. Hollywood actor Tom Cruise has played down reports that he plans to eat the placenta of his new baby.
The War of the Worlds star was quoted in GQ magazine saying he thought the placenta and umbilical cord would be "very nutritious".
But in a subsequent interview with Diane Sawyer on US television, he made light of the comments.
"Yeah, we're going to do that - a whole family thing. Isn't that normal and natural? No, we're not eating it."

One point where agreement is reached between Night Planet and the best fighter pilot/race car driver/bartender/ladies man is on the subject of aliens, which he believes in. Not a surprise coming from a scientolgist I suppose, but I'm glad to have at least some common ground here.

Actor Tom Cruise has admitted that he believes in aliens, saying it would be "arrogant" to think that extra-terrestrial beings did not exist.
The War of the Worlds star told a German newspaper he did not believe humans were alone in the universe.
When asked by tabloid daily Bild whether that meant he believed in aliens, Cruise said: "Yes, of course."

Layers

2006-04-15T15:27:00.000-04:00

I try to imagine the feeling at this battlefield. One where bodies are still surfacing from almost 90 years ago, eroding out of the soil. Standing alone in a field where 3 major battles have raged, a field where hundreds of thousands died, or are still missing under the farmer's crops, an Archaeologist's goldmine, and a place where past sorrow hangs in the fog by the North Sea in Ypres, Belgium .

Ghosts of Ypres Past

Nearly 90 years after the guns fell silent, the mud of Flanders is still giving up its secrets.
This week, in a farmer's field near Ypres, a group of amateur historians found the remains of three soldiers from the First World War.

Two of the bodies bore no identification, although one still had half its uniform, as well as a spoon, fork and a bayonet.

On the third, the historians found an identification tag. The chain had been broken and the tag pushed forward into the skull, probably by a farmer's plough passing over it.

The tag was badly corroded, but they were able to decipher a number, 8372, and a surname, Lancaster. They also found a cap badge and shoulder titles.

Such finds are not uncommon, although identifications are rare. The battlefields around the Ypres Salient covered 25 square kilometres. More than 250,000 British and Commonwealth soldiers died there in three major battles. Around 90,000 are officially missing.

In this time where ground invasions are on governmental lips, it's interesting to think to earlier, massive ground campaigns, before missiles and sterile precision air strikes. Where the soldiers dug in and tried to hold their ground...where a generation of 19 through 21 year olds sank into the dirt and were swallowed by the trenches, only to resurface 90 years or more later.

I don't think potential invasions were talked about as lightly back in those days, when you had to wait till you saw the whites of his eyes.

Our tendencies revolve around the circle of history to slam us in the face every so often, we have no escape, locked inside the human mind, half alien half ape...or choose what you would like to mix with primate. It gets me thinking about how the Earth is a closed system, a bubble keeping all the energy inside, the ground we walk on compiling memories.

The biggest Commonwealth war cemetery in the world is at Tyne Cot, near the site of the Third Battle of Ypres (1917), also known as Passchendaele.

There are 12,000 headstones there: some with names, some without. The names of the missing are carved on a wall at the back. The wind whistles in off the North Sea. The clouds hang low over the land.

Sounds Still Floating Through Space

2006-04-13T14:35:00.000-04:00

On this summery afternoon when work is done, I'm finding the time to give some love to some of the best bands I've had the privelege to play shows with. Considering that would be the longest column in history, we'll have to break it up:

Brainiac - My neighbor was Jon Schmersal, college student, musician, 2 months later he was Jon on the table of contents page of Spin magazine, a giant photo of him with his shirt off on a motel bed as the background. Played my first real show ever with them in an improv/makeshift instrument band called Disco Teen 66 in the early 90's. This was before Brainiac broke big, and they did during their brief existence.

I recall the surreal moment I was carrying my guitar and some buckets to beat on into the band room early and saw them warming up, so together and fresh sounding, I remember the intimidation...we really weren't worthy at that point. Had the pleasure of playing with this often overlooked classic 90's outfit several times after that with another band . Always wanted to be sharp playing with these guys, they were the true leaders of the avant guarde of that era, looking back.

The last time I saw singer Tim Taylor he was walking away from a house party after they played. They were being courted by Interscope records, and a rep was with them, trying to persuade them to leave Touch and Go for the majors. I stood on the porch, the last still about, he looked back at me and said "someone's still awake" and walked down the street. He was dead in a car wreck maybe 2 weeks later, an event that has entered Ohio music folklore, electric.

Thinking Fellers Union Local 282 - Had the pleasure of playing with the kings of quirk from San Francisco in Athens, Ohio around 1995. Was blown away that they were watching me play. Seeing them trying to cram all of their members and gear onto the small stage was impressive, a stripped down straight ahead show compared to other times I saw them. Nice people as I can recall through the mid 90's haze...everyone was there.

The Ponys - I can't get enough of this Chicago band lately, great spring music. The Television-esque vocals and rich bright guitars suck me right into the seemless songs. Little perfect bubbles, no fat. Played with them a few years back in Columbus, OH with the almighty Guinea Worms. More albums and shows please.

Sports Seizure

2006-04-13T04:43:00.000-04:00

Kara Yorio of the sporting news predicts that Carolina will win the Stanley Cup this year.

As these words hit the page, there still are regular-season games to be played, playoff spots and seeds to be decided and home-ice advantage to be won. But that won't stop us from picking a Stanley Cup champion here and now.

Possible tough first-round matchups aside, injury status uncertain, we're going to go boldly into the unknown: It will be the Hurricanes

The team with the least interest in their own city taking it all. There is no question they are a talented team, Eric Staal etc, but somehow I don't see them surviving the Eastern Conference finals, let alone winning it all, but it's possible.

I have a feeling about the New York Rangers, not sure why. In the new salary capped NHL I don't mind the Rangers, when they were my most hated in seasons past, with their goonish ways and NY Yankees style salary. I think they can beat both Carolina and a seemingly sluggish Ottawa team of late, hard to say though, I could see any of the 3 going to the finals, or a number of other teams. I love hockey, the most unpredictable sport in so many ways... and its rejuvenated and harder to bet 100 dollars on than ever.

If they do get to the finals, I'd expect them to play Detroit or Dallas, but I wouldn't bet on it. I had thought a battle of the mountains, Nashville vs. Carolina final was possible. That seems unlikely now that they have lost goailie Tomas Vokoun. Vancouver Canucks don't look to even make the playoffs. I think everyone considered them contenders for the finals this year. I'm not feeling sorry for them.

My beloved Blue Jackets will match their season high in points, set the very first season of their existence, and next year they will be predicted as a playoff team, finally. It's been nice seeing the dramatic improvements since January. Finally they young and skilled team is going to put it together. I've actually watched a few games and felt able to enjoy them sitting back in my seat. An unfamiliar feeling of stability with the team, it lets me get more drunk. Let the chronic Ohio underdogs rise to the top.

Cleveland Indians, so far so good. Looking solid as an iron girder.

806,400,000,000,000.01 ringgit

2006-04-10T18:19:00.000-04:00

My forwarding of a "phishing" e-mail to Pay Pal today set the theme, and as taxes approach for me the procrastinator, money is in mind.

Combining money and scams, they go together like chocolate and peanut butter. In fact, I don't think you can have a scam without money involved by definition. The precious life sustaining paper that we desperately need to live, coming from the gigs we worry about keeping even if we don't care for them. One glitch, or the right numbers getting into the wrong hands, and its gone.

Being billed for the debt of the entire world is a rare glitch, or perfect scam by a supervillain out of some comic book/show/movie series that I don't follow, but that's exactly what has happened to the worlds most unlucky man..... that has not been killed or injured severely.

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia (AP) -- A Malaysian man said he nearly fainted when he recieved a $218 trillion phone bill and was ordered to pay up within 10 days or face prosecution, a newspaper reported Monday.

Yahaya Wahab said he disconnected his late father's phone line in January after he died and settled the 84 ringgit ($23) bill, the New Straits Times reported.

But Telekom Malaysia later sent him a 806,400,000,000,000.01 ringgit ($218 trillion) bill for recent telephone calls along with orders to settle within 10 days or face legal proceedings, the newspaper reported.

It wasn't clear whether the bill was a mistake, or if Yahaya's father's phone line was used illegally after after his death.

"If the company wants to seek legal action as mentioned in the letter, I'm ready to face it,"

If you are wondering what this ridden nations debt is today:

$8,401,929,176,271.43 8.4 Trillion

The estimated population of the United States is 299,015,530 so each citizen's share of this debt is $28,098.64.

The National Debt has continued to increase an average of $2.44 billion per day since September 30, 2005!

Suddenly my credit card debt doesn't seem so bad. Further proof that phone companies are pure evil. Something I learned when I mistakenly had an operator connect me to a phone number in Europe years ago.

Diminishing Returns

2006-04-07T15:02:00.000-04:00

Who will play Vittorio Gassman's role?

Breaking news out of Hollywoodland, the studios are still lacking creative decision making, opting instead for remaking both classics, camp, and random early 80's movies, like the upcoming "Sharky's Machine." Music Video director, Phil Joanou (U2's 'One,'Rattle and Hum, the upcoming Gridiron Gang starring the Rock, "3rd Rock from the Sun" (1996) TV Series (episode "A Nightmare on Dick Street") etc.)

Phil Joanou is attached to direct Warner Bros. Pictures' remake of "Sharky's Machine," being produced by Basil Iwanyk. The original movie, released in 1981, was directed by and starred Burt Reynolds as Sgt. Tom Sharky, a vice cop who puts together a team to hunt down a group of brutal bad guys

This trend is not a new one, and has become common knowledge at this point. What would the Warner brothers, Jack, Sam, Harry & Albert, say if they saw their factory remaking movies it already owns? And ones that were no blockbusters to begin with, and feature length camp TV shows, Jurassic Park 4 and well...Burt Reynolds movies?

They would probably not agree, from what I gather. I'd imagine someone would get punched, or fired, or killed even, probably not one of them, if they we alive, that is. There can be no doubt that there was a golden age, and it's in the past.

Remakes of the "Wild Bunch" and "Dirty Dozen" are also in the works. While these are a few years off, I'm not counting down the days. Films should be remade when the can be improved upon, and that is a rare thing. "Psycho," "the Shining" with the guy from the TV series "Wings"? "Starsky and Hutch," "Scooby Doo," please don't give me movie theater gift certficates for my birthday, I've got a stack of them building up over here. In 1989, Warner Communications merged with Time, Inc. in an $18 Billion merger that created one of the largest communications and entertainment companies in the world.

Still loving some comic book come to life movies, the odd indie film, and liking the occasional studio release, although often not in the same way as those in days gone by,.

I could use a new Wes Anderson movie, although it seems he is working on the Fantastic Mr. Fox, the Roald Dahl novel.

Fantastic Mr. Fox is on the run! The three meanest farmers around are out to get him. Fat Boggis, squat Bunce, and skinny Bean have joined forces, and they have Mr. Fox and his family surrounded. What they don’t know is that they’re not dealing with just any fox–Mr. Fox would never surrender. But only the most fantastic plan ever can save him now.

Art School Confidential's upcoming release will help me shorten that stack of coupons.

The theme of the day is take some chances, let some hungry talent in. There are new stories to be told, no?

Leave your own material alone, the good and bad.

Workaholics' Workaholic

2006-04-07T12:31:00.000-04:00

Regardless of your opinion of Steven Spielberg, and you probably like him more than I do, this sounds like a good idea. The overpraised one is creating a reality show, which I'm no fan of, especially not American Idol, which this resembles:

He is teaming with reality mastermind Mark Burnett for On the Lot, an American Idol-meets-The Apprentice-style Fox reality series that aims to find the next, well, Steven Spielberg.

16 finalists will be divided into two teams and each group has to produce (and write, and direct, and cast…) a short film each week.

Fox says that the contestants will be forced to deal with the pitfalls that any major player could face--creative differences, budgetary problems, deadlines, etc.--but that they will also have access to some high-caliber perks, such as the opportunity to collaborate with Industry insiders and big-name celebs.

On the Lot will unfold over two nights a week, with night number one featuring an hourlong "film premiere" episode to screen the teams' work, which will tackle a different genre each week. Night number two (now, where have we heard this one before) will be the "box office" results show. A team of judges will be on hand, but it will be viewers' votes.

It's the viewers votes, and the fear that everyone will go Spielberg to try to impress him that make me skeptical, but the concept seems good. Let's just hope that film directing's equivalent of Kelly Clarkson isn't unleashed on the world, and based on the average voters taste this appears likely. It would be a nice vehicle for unheard of actors to get a start, but somehow I'm thinking there will be a lot of knowns. I'm doubting the next David Lynch or Igmar Bergman will get the breaks here, but the guy who will go on to direct Scary Movie 7 might.

I'm hoping Spielberg's contact with the show will be limited, which seems definite when you look at the list of his projects going on around now:

The Talisman (2007) (in production) (executive producer)
Untitled Ukrainian Holocaust Project (2007) (executive producer)
"The Pacific War" (2006) (mini) TV Series (executive producer)
Transformers: The Movie(2007) (pre-production) (executive producer)
"Nine Lives"(2007) TV Series (pre-production) (executive producer)
Abraham Lincoln Project (2007) (pre-production) (producer)
Jurassic Park IV (2008) (pre-production) (executive producer)
When Worlds Collide (2006) (pre-production) (producer)
Red Sun, Black Sand (2007) (filming) (producer)
Disturbia (2007) (filming) (executive producer)
Flags of Our Fathers (2006) (post-production) (producer)
Monster House (2006) (post-production) (executive producer)

Jurassic Park 4?! Quality over quantity Steven, come on now. It also appears that we can expect more world war 2 epics, which does not surprise this writer, let me guess, they will be reverent in nature?

Let some fresh players have some time in the game here. Take a vacation already.

"I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU"

2006-04-06T05:03:00.000-04:00

The Thin Line

I guess we can expect Eminem to come out of "retirement" at age 33 now that his muse has come back, meaning his wife will be his ex-wife again. One can only guess at how many albums this event, along with sharing custody of his daughter Hailie could fuel. I'll guess 3 more.

Night Planet admits to liking some of Eminem's work, especially the stuff he did with Dr. Dre and on the 'Up in Smoke" tour, but I've got to really doubt his sanity here (I know, I'm the last one to do it.) He has a hideous relationship to an apparantly vile woman, divorces her and stays that way for 5 years, during which he raps about wanting to kill her and also about actually killing her, then marries her again for 3 months, then files for divorce?

Either this is the best way to jump start his career (like it needs it) or he somehow forgot his own lyrics. I'm erratic sometimes too, but I've never actually wanted back in a relationship I ended through divorce myself, I don't think. Especially after shouting to the world something like "Now shut the fuck up and get what's comin to you. You were supposed to love me{*Kim choking*}NOW BLEED! BITCH BLEED!BLEED! BITCH BLEED! BLEED!"

But then again, would you take someone back after simulating your death to the world? Were they both in this together?

I cannot read the following paragraph without hearing Mr. EM rapping.

"There has been a breakdown in the marriage relationship to the extent that the objects of matrimony have been destroyed and there remains no reasonable likelihood that the marriage can be preserved," according to the filing, which was made in Macomb County on Wednesday on behalf of Marshall Bruce Mathers III, Eminem's real name.

Is it possible that Eminem is "Emo-Rap?" I was starting to get that feeling after hearing his later material."I'm sorry mama...." etc.

As long as he doesn't reconcile with his mom and reach an amicable agreement with Kim over custody of Hailie, I think we can expect to hear all about it on the stereo, although in this erratic mood, maybe he'll come back as a Christian rapper, or modern country fusionist. As long as he lives in the same town as Kid Rock, he'll never be the most overrated Detroit artist, that I will stand by no matter what wicked turn his musical vision may take.

Junk/Treasure

2006-04-04T16:36:00.000-04:00

I can't enough of rust and decay, especially on a sunny day. But I won't stand in anyones way who wishes to do something other than building a strip mall over it.

I ran across this thorough collection of documented ruin from posters around the world.http://community.livejournal.com/urban_decay/
which was in itself a find. The abandoned theater in an insane asylum stood out at first glance.

I also learned of a group called "the Heidelburg Project" that has been transforming a street of abandoned homes and outdoor areas on Heidelburg street in Detroit into colorful weirdness, turning desolation into a surreal carnival with a positive message. It seems a perfect thing to do with an inner city in the heart of the rust belt , a city of endless abandonment, rotting factories, and high unemployment. They have existed for 20 years, but somehow I've not heard of them before.

The group has had it's skirmishes with the city government, and has had more than a few houses/installations torn down, but they continue, while expanding their scope to include helping children of the area stay occupied. They have purchased more property, ensuring that the mission to give magic mushrooms to rundown buildings will live on. They have also expanded into other cities.

A current project includes covering an entire house in pennies, and using it as a youth center. Kids from all over Michigan are helping out. Just a positive idea, nice to read about.http://www.heidelberg.org/

It's not the LSD in your drink, it's just the Heidelburg project.

Tyree Guyton works on The Heidelberg Project every day with the children on the block. He and director, Jenenne Whitfield, give lectures and workshops around the country, but the main goal is to develop The Heidelberg Project into the city's first indoor and outdoor museum; complete with an artist colony, creative art center, community garden, amphitheater, and more.

Drive the full length of Heidelberg Street and you'll see what the future holds without the Heidelberg Project. At one end it's burned out houses, lots with waist-high weeds, rubble, rubbish, no people in sight. Drive on. Suddenly, there's color and energy.

(Fun House, pictured left, was torn down in 1991)

The Heidelberg Project has transformed a hard-core inner city neighborhood where people were afraid to walk, even in daytime, into one in which neighbors take pride and where visitors are many and welcome. The success of the Project continues to provide hope and inspiration.

A 1988 Interview with founder Tyree Guyton about the first installation, on the street he grew up on:

"See that house over there? That was a crack house...After the first three police raids, it opened right up again. After the fourth raid we couldn't stand it anymore. So we went over and painted the place. Pink, blue, yellow, white and purple dots and squared all over it. Up there on the roof we stuck a baby doll and that bright blue inner tube, and on the porch we put a doghouse with a watchdog inside...Now all day long people drive by and stop to stare at the place...Believe me, in front of an audience like that, nobody's going to sell crack out of that house anymore.".

I Still Don't Know What Time It Is

2006-04-02T16:34:00.000-04:00

At least something has been clarified today, when it comes to the "what time is it in Indiana" question that is. A place harder to set a watch in than the jungles of the deep Amazon.

Seems the state decided to follow daylight savings time this year, which takes away some of the confusion anyway, maybe. What time zone is it in?

Many Indiana residents have never changed their clocks. Under state law, most of Indiana has ignored daylight-saving time since the early 1970s.
The result has been a patchwork of time zones, with 77 counties observing Eastern time but not changing clocks; five on Eastern time unofficially observing daylight-saving time; and 10 on Central time that observed daylight-saving time.

But the shift to daylight savings time, coupled with a U.S. Transportation Department decision allowing eight of the state's 92 counties to change to the Central time zone, has left many in this state confused and uneasy.

So they are a no-mans land between the eastern and central times, I'm picturing hordes of bandits, Genghis Khan. I guess you could always find a place that's open to get beer there, if you wanted to.

I think it says someting about a state when they are expending this much energy trying to figure out what time it is. When do they tackle the tougher issues, even if they had the time, they would have trouble figuring out what time the meeting is, as it seems to vary by which side of the street the building is on.

The Indianapolis 500 changed its start time to 1 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time, but tickets mailed for the race say it begins at noon Eastern Standard Time. And businesses statewide are scrambling to reset computer clocks, which had been specially programmed for "Indiana time."

This is like Indiana's y2k.

Instead of resolving the matter, the vote created a new debate over which time zone Indiana should observe. Eighteen counties asked the Transportation Department to put them in the Central time zone to be aligned with Chicago. The government granted the requests for eight counties, putting a total of 18 on Central time and 74 on Eastern. In Pulaski County, the switch to Central might be in name only.

Starting next week, it is changing the work hours for most county employees from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. EST to 7 a.m. to 4 p.m. CDT. Others in the county, such as Pulaski Memorial Hospital, plan to observe Eastern time.

Ok, now you're killing me, really. Get over to central time, you're off the team. I'll simply pass through on my way to Chicago, I'm not good enough at math to risk stopping. Besides, is there some type of confusing exchange rate, like a dollar = 1.327 I-dollars.

Might there be two, or more Indianas in the future?

Show Within a Show Within a.......

2006-04-01T16:12:00.000-05:00

Who are these television commentators who discuss "101 Celebrity Oops" and say, the year 1996? How are they able to judge anything a celebrity does, while they are apparantly in the same game, but not doing so well. The world appears too full of comedians. Is comedy becoming like dentistry, a flooded market?

I would like to do a show with other no name personalities making fun of the commentators who are musing about the celebrities. Maybe a version with celebrities turning the tables, or on the public in general, random people being trashed for wearing outfits that cost under 400 dollars, or going to work at the office building or grocery store. I bet the masochistic viewing audience would be sucked in, watching their own kind being ridiculed by Tom Cruise and company.

Of course the most satisfying would be to see the a-listers trash the d listers that have found careers on these shows. A simple appearance on one episode might put a glamour career at risk, agents would be adamantly against it.

Among the commentators appearing as themselves, are Doug Llewelyn, the guy who interviewed the winners and losers at the end of "the People's Court," Jimmy Pardo, a guy who was once on "Becker" the least interesting show ever created, and Bill Dwyer, who you might remember as the color commentator from "Extreme Dodgeball" or as the color commentator from "Battle Bots," still not ringing a bell? He played the role of "Toddorbert Guzinsky" in "Ski School 2." Anything?

Surely you'll remember him from "I Love the 80's 3-D," "I love the 90's,""I love the 90's part deux," "101 Best SNL Moments,"" I Love the 80's Strikes Back," and don't forget "I Love the 70's."

When a Weird Al Yankovic or a Henry Winkler makes an appearance, at least they stand out from the let's see, the Kristen Veitchs and Regan Burns of the world. Playing "the Fonz" or writing "Eat It" gives you enough clout to comment.

Seeds

2006-04-01T00:02:00.000-05:00

The most enjoyable photo collection I've seen today is this celebrities as kids page.http://www.ezprezzo.com/crazypics/celeb-kids.html

A childhood photo reveals more about the true person than the average interview ever could. It's got me leaning towards pre-destination in the great free-will debate. Even when we think we have it, its all laid out.

I don't think it's just hindsight, their future is written all over their faces, In many cases anyway. If it's not as predictable as you think.you can understand how they ended up where they did, with the image they strive to sell. Society limited choice perhaps. There are ones that are very telling, like the Jean-Claude Van Damme. I now understand his need to appear like a gladiator.

Bjork looks like a holy woman already after so few years on Earth. There must be some alien intervention in human evolution, not for everyone, but I can see it here. She is clearly the messiah from the land of ice and hot springs.

Didn't I know this kid in elementary school? I think we had the same haricut. Hanging out on the fringes of the class while the teacher read. Well meaning, but ridiculed. The one who got into comics, 7 inches, and Black Sabbath in high school. Similar to a Van Damme situation, although with far better results..

I've chosen all musicians, but I think Julia Roberts may have been in one of my classes, in a tiny window of the class photo. The big smile already leading her towards destiny.

There are photos that aren't surprising, but confirmatory, like say, Keanu Reeves. It's satifying when it lands right where it fell.

I've learned that you truly can spot evil at birth. I offer up Phil Collins. His sinister musical intentions were well developed by age 12. I can see the wicked synth fueled hatred in his eyes, as he dreams of realeasing "Sussudio" and "One More Night" on an unsuspecting world, a one two punch, drivers fall asleep and drive off the road. He quickly takes FM radio, likely ushering in the era of Clear Channel. The Desert Fox glides with a studio sheen.

He's another one who may have been conceived during an alien abduction, although certainly on the opposite program from Bjork. Maybe met Demi Moore but doesn't remember, of course. No photos documenting the two in the same room have surfaced, although the one of Demi alone is worth the electricity.

It looks like George Clooney and Tom Hanks were destined to be best friends, maybe Bruce Willis too. They are, aren't they, part of the a-list club, hot tubbing down the highway. Did they grow up in the same neighborhood, drive the same model Firebird? They may have gone to my high school too.

High on Surgery

2006-03-31T22:59:00.000-05:00

In keeping with the plastic surgery vibe of the day, I am envisioning a future filled with a real life zombie. Botox junkies who get back alley injections, and paralyzed faces rotting off with infection.

This new addiction might take down an uptown woman faster than cocaine or shopping ever could. Maybe we'll see hookers shooting up bathtub botox alongside the traditional heroin and crack addicts. Wives of prominent surgeons and former magazine moguls reaching common ground with the riff raff, altering their bodies alongside those altering their minds.

The hordes of expensive lepers will march down the fashionable avenues of your town, reading all reactions of those who pass, wondering if they've noticed the latest dose. Michael Jackson their fearless leader, their spiritual guide enticing them to the scalpel and the needle sterilized with a lighter's flame, if thats all thats available.

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Recent reports of "bogus Botox" injections that resulted in the deaths of several women has prompted the American Society for Dermatologic Surgery (ASDS) to issue a statement warning the public against seeking cosmetic treatments from non-physicians.

"Never have any injections done unless it's in a reputable physician's office, because it's unsafe," Dr. Rhoda Narins, past president of ASDS, told Reuters Health.

During the 2000 World Congress in Cosmetic Dermatology, Dr. Edileia Bagatin, from the Federal University of Sao Paulo, warned that inappropriate use of the toxin can result in severe facial paralysis and deformity.

There are going to be some pretty surprised fathers in the future, wondering where their kid came from, those eyes, those lips, that nose. With further medical research, there will be no telling who you are with.

Imaginary Shorts of the Day

2006-03-31T17:32:00.000-05:00

I would make film shorts about these stories today, first the frantic criminals.

PALOS HEIGHTS, Ill. A bank robber in suburban Chicago is being called the "Harry Caray bandit."Police in Palos Heights say the man who robbed a bank on Wednesday wore big glasses reminiscent of the ones worn by the late Chicago Cubs announcer. He also sported a baseball cap, perhaps a wig, shoes like police officers wear, and a patch that said "Emergency" on one sleeve.

The man reportedly waited patiently in line at the bank and then handed a teller a note that said, "Do it in ten seconds."

Desperate housewife, addicted to Botox, aging ungracefully.

SCOTTSDALE - As many as three other Valley spas believe they were robbed in the past few years by the Botox Bandit who defrauded a Scottsdale business for $1,400 in facial-injection beauty treatments. The unidentified, middle-age woman used a fake name and bogus story before ditching the bill at a Scottsdale Fashion Square spa this month.

In the March 14 incident the woman told dermatology staff her name was "Jamie Vons." She received injections of Restylane, similar to Botox, to her forehead and around her eyes. She disappeared after going to her car to retrieve her wallet.

A short about Tori Spelling seems an interesting idea. Recent events seem ready made for a satire. Celebrity decay is always intruiging.

Tori Spelling has a new show and boobs to go with it!Tori Spelling is clearly on a downward spiral and we love it. Using maxed out credit cards, acting like a drunken tramp in public, her new fiance has a hideous tattoo of her face on his arm (and giant hickeys on his neck.) What's left, but to do a mockumentary that estranges her family and get bigger boobs!... So NoTORIous!premieres Sunday night, her new boobs have already made their debut.
http://cityrag.blogs.com/main/2006/03/tori_spelling_h.html

Another proud day for Tori Spelling, with her embarrassing drunken antics earning her separate stories in the New York Post and the New York Daily News. And in neither of those stories does she teach the world how to love or use daddies billions to donate ponies to orphans. Instead, the alleged female stumbled drunk through a couple of Kentucky Derby parties, casually losing huge diamond earrings and simulating oral on Usher.
http://idontlikeyouinthatway.com/ search for Tori Spelling

Two nights ago, she was holding up the line in front of me at the 3rd & La Brea Trader Joe's while she tore through her purse trying to find a credit card that wasn't maxed out. She kept pulling out different cards, and kept getting the same result – and then giggling and loudly wondering why she kept getting declined. http://worldofwonder.net/archives/2005/Oct/28/.wow

Special: Tortured Hunan Feline and Rice

2006-03-28T18:25:00.000-05:00

When Dog Eating is Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Eat Dog Meat

Further restrictions in China, and although I have very few Chinese readers, I want to console you regarding the crack down on dog and cat eating going on your country right now. This should be especially unjust and cruel to the people of Guangzhou, the "dog and cat eating capital of Asia," and therefore the world, I would think.

An apparant groundswelling of outrage is occurring, and for some reason they are allowing the people to speak.

The first China Companion Animal Symposium took place this March in Guangzhou - the dog and cat eating capital of Asia. This historic advancement in Chinese animal welfare also saw the call for an outright ban on the century’s old practice of dog and cat eating.

Millions of dogs and cats are slaughtered for consumption in China annually. Many suffer deliberate, horrific abuse in the mistaken belief that ‘torture equals taste’. A gaping hole in the law leaves them with no protection.
http://www.k9magazine.com/viewarticle.php?sid=15&&vid=0&npage=&aid=1212

I'm hoping this practice was banned elswhere in the world years ago right. Like In San Francisco's chinatown. or say, the local 1 dollar per entree place, well all 4 within five minutes of me....right? And here I'd blissfully thought this was mostly an urban legend.

When it comes down to it, it's the cat that throws me off the most. Cat meat, there can't be much, and it sounds, dusty or something, gritty like kitty liiter. The article does mention this ban will be targeting restaurants, so perhaps the chefs know how to cook it just right, with the spices and everything. A catnip garnish might be nice.

At the fancier places, I bet the customer can choose a live cat, and the cook beats and electrocutes it to death right at your table for cooking. A fine selection of various forms of torture to choose from is sure to be available to the elite, who casually critique the effects on taste. "This cat was hanged till near death, then drowned, one can tell by the sweet aftertaste." "I prefer half smashed head with pins"

Trip to Guangzhou before the golden age ends anyone? Think of it like an imminent crackdown in Amsterdam. You'd want that last puff, or sinewy bite, as it is, before the practice is driven underground

Ghosts in Costume

2006-03-27T22:13:00.002-05:00

There's one house in Seattle that should be considered uninhabitable now. The latest killing spree has hit me as one of the most striking crimes in some time. For some reason I can visualize the scene too well, partying ravers dressed as the undead in a house party at dawn, a shooter entering, drugs blurring reality. Stunning.

Having lived nearby that neighborhood some time ago, it's not something one would consider there. Overdoses yes, many, but not mass killings. This goes down as a mystery, considering the man blew his head off when confronted by officers. More folklore for an eerie region. It even has the perfect name, “the Seattle Zombie Rave Party Killings.” Hollywood couldn’t have thought that up, probably not even during the 1980's.

Perhaps this will be used in an anti drug campaign somewhere, even though they may have had nothing to do with this. Surely lessons can be learned, considering two of the 6 dead were Melissa Lynn Moore, age14 ,and Suzanne Thorne, age 15. A make believe nightmare come to life.

I did attend a few raves in Seattle. At age 25 I felt like an old man. The average age was probably 18, many younger. 14 year old girls dressed in fairy wings surrounded by people flying on ecstasy, probably not something a parent should allow..and especially not an after party till the sun is back up again, but who am I kidding, the parents didn't know.

If ghosts do exist, I'm certain the imprints are left by this night gone way wrong. The images of a tragedy replaying.

SEATTLE - The young man who killed six people at a house party over the weekend had brought three guns, more than 300 rounds of ammunition, a baseball bat and a black machete, and told guests as he blazed away, "There's plenty for everyone," authorities said Monday.

Police said the victims, many of them dressed up as zombies in black with white face paint, had met Huff earlier in the night at a rave called "Better Off Undead" and invited him to a party at their rented home.

Aaron Kyle Huff, 28, left the party at about 7 a.m. and returned wearing bandoliers of ammunition and carrying a 12-gauge pistol-grip shotgun and a handgun. As he walked back to the party, Huff used spray paint to write "NOW" on the sidewalk and a neighbors' stairs, police said. He killed two people on the front steps, then killed three more people in the living room and went looking for more victims, police said.

He tried to enter a locked bathroom, jiggled the handle and fired a few rounds through the door, missing a frightened couple.

Shelters from the Storm

2006-03-26T18:48:00.000-05:00

Growing weary of increasingly hardline religious factions and literalists? Had enough of unsolicited sermons and/or missionaries? If so, you may want to consider moving to one of the top 10 countries with the highest percentages of atheists and agnostics. Looks like northern/central Europe and Asia are safe bets for those tired of picketed abortion clinics, mega churches, suicide bombers, and door to door Jehovah's Witnesses.

atheist & agnostic % of population/total number

Sweden: 46 - 85% /4,133,560 - 7,638,100
Vietnam: 81%/ 66,978,900
Denmark: 43 - 80%/ 2,327,590 - 4,330,400
Norway: 31 - 72% /1,418,250 - 3,294,000
Japan: 64 - 65% /81,493,120 - 82,766,450
Czech Republic: 54 - 61%/ 5,328,940 - 6,250,121
Finland: 28 - 60% /1,460,200 - 3,129,000
France: 43 - 54%/ 25,982,320 - 32,628,960
South Korea: 30 - 52% /14,579,400 - 25,270,960
Estonia: 49%/ 657,580

If you are wondering where the United States stands, it's way down in position 44, between Portugal and Albania at just 3-9%.http://www.adherents.com/largecom/com_atheist.html

Hardly a surprise to any who reside here, I would imagine. Quite apparant in the current political climate. A survey of car bumper stickers alone would be telling.

Modern Worlds

2006-03-26T16:01:00.000-05:00

I think Shanghai gets my vote as most modern looking city, in what I've learned is a contintent of otherwordly architecture by viewing the top 15 skylines in the world. http://www.diserio.com/top15-skylines.html

Hong Kong appears a close second, along with Kuala Lumpur. But New York still ranks in there as one of my favorites. I've got some travelling to do, and associated money to make.

Cardboard Jungle

2006-03-24T21:06:00.000-05:00

"Once, long ago, this was the choicest part of the city. Silent-movie stars,and presidents stayed in hotels like the Alexandria, with its opulent staircases and marble walls...." -C. Le Duff, NY Times

The act of dumping criminals from other towns into downtown Los Angeles' skid row, a large chunk of the east side of downtown made up of mainly abandoned art deco office buildings, flop house hotels, and abandoned theaters, has taken a new turn.

(AP) LOS ANGELES A video camera has recorded a 63-year-old hospital patient dressed only in a gown and slippers being dumped onto a street in Los Angeles' downtown skid row.Officials from Kaiser Permanente's Bellflower hospital apologized for the Monday incident. Monday's incident was recorded by a camera mounted outside the downtown Union Rescue Mission.

It shows a taxicab making a U-turn and driving out of camera view.Moments later, a woman appears from the direction of the cab, wandering for about three minutes on a street and a sidewalk before mission staff take her inside the building.

This area, known as "the Nickel," is one of the most interesting places I've seen in the USA. Not to sound numb to the stark realities, but I even showed it to my brother and friends when they visited, a must see in my eyes, and not like a trip to the zoo, simply as an ethnographic exploration of urban decay.

It's been immoritlized in song by my favorite LA homegrown star, Tom Waits, and has become a hot topic of late. What to do with the Nickel, should there be a sweep of the estimated 10,000 to 15,000 homeless, should the area be gentrified? As it stands, the residents are not allowed to set up their carboard shelters until 5 pm, when the few offices that are occupied in this area empty out.

In another life, when I was a gopher in the entertainment industry, I remember delivering packages in the Nickel. Sometimes I would enter what appeared like an abandoned building, go up to the 7th floor, and find one occupied office with a 30 something guy in there waiting for me.

When I left, I found myself in the middle of what seemed like a carnival all around me. Hundreds of people were quite happily cutting and taping their box homes together. The smell of pot combined with the radios brought the image of gypsys to mind, it was like a more decrepit Grateful Dead show, complete with comradery and greetings by name.

Now I know it wasn't all as rosy as that moment indicated, not in any sense. I also drove and wandered through there at night. I saw the zombies wandering through the streets, high on car battery acid, the victims of violence, the prostitutes literally working out of porta-potties, and the gangs of crack dealers. The whole area reminded me of the sci-fi movie "Escape from New York," where Manhattan had been abandoned and was used as a prison with no police supervision. The cops never did anything here either, very little presence, a no-mans land where the citizenry make their own rules.

What to do with this area? Whatever it is, the buildings need to be preserved, as they are great examples of early 20th century architecture, the homeless people need another place to go, they are already essentially out of sight of the wealthier denizens of the west side, tucked into a corner in a downtown that has something like 20% occupancy.

Whatever the end result, and it won't be good for the street people, the whole scene needs to be documented thoroughly, as I don't think there is anywhere else quite like it. The seedy underbelly of a glamor drunk and corrupted region. Not for the faint of heart, but a must see for the more adventurous eyes out there.

and if you chew tobacco, and wish upon a star,well you'll find out where the scarecrows sit,just like punchlines between the cars,and I know a place where a royal flush,can never beat a pair, and even thomas jefferson,is on the nickel over there.-Tom Waits

Insomnia Induced Surrealism Ramble

2006-03-24T05:05:00.000-05:00

Sure my family history is rather colorful, and I was always fascinated to hear the turn of the century stories growing up, but no relative was ever painted by a famous artist, maybe because most of them lived in New Jersey, I don't know for sure.

My wife, on the other hand, could say "my great uncle was painted by Joan Miro, the Spanish surrealist artist and peer of Pablo Picasso,"( Portrait of Vicenz Nubiola 1918, above) but she doesn't, she even shares the same last name, who cares she would say. I would bring it up if I were her, but alas she is unimpressed with celebrity. She casually mentions seeing Salvador Dali walking around her summer vacation town as a child, no big deal.

Is it really only us North Americans who give such importance to being in the presence of fame? Probably not, but in any event, I didn't give a damn about seeing Michael Richards, Kramer of Seinfeld, in the flesh, however the preceding names seem in another league to me. Maybe being around them would allow some of the brilliance would rub off on me, but what do I know? I'm from Ohio, home of Phyllis Diller, cheap beer, cheap rent, and indian mounds.

The spectacle of the sky overwhelms me. I'm overwhelmed when I see, in an immense sky, the crescent of the moon, or the sun. There, in my pictures, tiny forms in huge empty spaces. Empty spaces, empty horizons, empty plains - everything which is bare has always greatly impressed me. - Joan Miro 1893-1983

You've got to love any artist who named his works things like "The Nightingale's Song at Midnight and the Morning Rain," " Dew Drop Falling from a Bird's Wing Wakes Rosalie, who Has Been Asleep in the Shadow of a Spider's Web," "Ladders Cross the Blue Sky in a Wheel of Fire," and "Stars in Snails' Sexes." If you don't, the sitcom "Becker" is on, go watch it....

................because on Night Planet The Lark's Wing, Encircled with Golden Blue, Rejoins the Heart of the Poppy Sleeping on a Diamond-Studded Meadow.

Texas Never Whispers

2006-03-22T20:33:00.000-05:00

Texas. The name itself conjurs up a wide variety of images, from prairies, to cowboys, to Austin, to Amarillo, to rednecks, to inner city gangsters, to Willie Nelson, to oil. Sobriety and an overzealous enforcement of a public intoxication law have never been part of my mind's eye view.

In what I can only describe as a startling turn of events, Texas police will now perform statewide sweeps of bars to arrest drunk people, no joke!

SAN ANTONIO, Texas (Reuters) - Texas has begun sending undercover agents into bars to arrest drinkers for being drunk, a spokeswoman for the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission said on Wednesday.

The first sting operation was conducted recently in a Dallas suburb where agents infiltrated 36 bars and arrested 30 people for public intoxication, said the commission's Carolyn Beck.
Being in a bar does not exempt one from the state laws against public drunkenness, Beck said.
The goal, she said, was to detain drunks before they leave a bar and go do something dangerous like drive a car.

Sounds like they have taken the idea of pre-emptive warfare from their favorite son (outside of Austin,TX that is), also know as "W-The President," and applied it to drunk driving.

I have mixed impressions of Texas, always have. I've known some great people from there, but it also seems like a place I should never even visit sometimes. I did drive through panhandle alone one night, listening to a radio show where the families of prison inmates spoke messages to their loved ones on the inside...for 3 hours.

If there is one thing I picture myself doing on a visit to Texas, it's getting drunk in a bar, who's with me? There may be an upside, maybe I was destined to get beaten by a gang of drunken cowboys at a bar in El Paso.

If this practice spreads to other states in our increasingly ass tightening union, Night Planet will be "from off the streets of Barcelona." Hell, it will be at some point anyway. I know within my heart that while smoking bans have extended into Europe, a ban on getting drunk will never fly. God bless you Europe.

"There are a lot of dangerous and stupid things people do when they're intoxicated, other than get behind the wheel of a car," Beck said. "People walk out into traffic and get run over, people jump off of balconies trying to reach a swimming pool and miss."

Natural selection Texas, a key element of evolution...oh, I get it.

As Sad As He Looks

2006-03-21T19:30:00.000-05:00

Despite common perception, often by Americans themselves, Americans do not own the right to be ugly, backwards bigots. These are terms that can be applied wherever necessary throughout the world.

The mayor of London, a town you hopefully have heard of in the UK, Ken Livingstone attacked David and Simon Reuben for their role in an ongoing dispute about the Stratford City development in east London.
He suggested the brothers "go back (to their own country) and see if they can do better under the ayatollahs". http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/london/4830878.stm

Conservative members of the London Assembly said the brothers were not Iranian, but had been born in India of Iraqi Jewish parents. Apparantly conservative Brits in government are a little more heads up than the douches who ramble on about irrelevant social issues around here. To be fair, it seems current government officials in both countries are rather geographically challenged, the confusion centering around Iran and Iraq.

The mayor is not a fast learner. He just returned from a 4 week suspension for comparing Evening Standard journalist Oliver Finegold to a Nazi concentration camp guard. He is now barely hanging onto his job pending appeal.

Sounds like Mr. Livingstone is helping his city's image about as much as Mr. Marion Barry did Washington DC. Not to sound nationalistic, but I'll take a crack smoker over an anti-semite anyday. U-S-A, U-S-A

Tale of Two Trendsetters

2006-03-21T16:19:00.000-05:00

Smiths vs. Pixies Controversy Created, and Then Solved

Few bands from the 80's have endured like the Smiths and The Pixies. Kids who were born in the 80's, and even 90's often listen to both bands, along with the likes of the Cure, while skipping over mainstream 80's acts like Van Halen, Bon Jovi, or Duran Duran. People came their senses, and allowed the 80's underground to live on, while the garbage that ruled the airwaves was banished to trailer parks and the backwater dwellings of the world where curly cue perms and acid wash still thrive, probably along with the Camaro driving jocks from my high school.

I have a feeling most music fans of all ages lean towards the Pixies over the Smiths. At this point I must disagree. While I had my Pixies phase in the late 80's early 90's, seeing them open for Love and Rockets on their Doolittle tour, and several more times headlining, I reached overload, and have never been able to get out of it.

Someone who knew me only from high school would think I was thrilled that every bar I go to plays the Pixies at least once while I am there. This is not the case, I would rather hear Bon Jovi now, a sad bi-product of the ever rising popularity of the Pixies among youngsters. Sure they were original, and put out some great music, I'm just not sure if I will ever be able to enjoy it again.

When the money came calling for, in my opinion, an ill advised reunion, Frank Black (Black Francis of the Pixies) was quoted as saying "There's a lot of mystery around the band, so we've been getting really high offers. I could use the money right now. I know the other guys could use the money." Guess what, one lackluster reunion tour and Austin City Limits appearance later, and all that mystery surrounding the band is dead forever.

The Smiths are a band I never get sick of. I'm not always in the mood for them, but I know times will keep arising when they are perfect again. Many people are annoyed by Morrissey. I suppose I can see why, but will never be a part of it. Beyond him is an incredible group of musicians that are often overlooked, led by Johnny Marr, one of the more unique guitarists to walk the planet. Perhaps no defunct band from this time period would be more welcomed back than the Smiths. They left it off at a good point, their albums hadn't been getting worse and worse like the aforementioned Pixies. Another plus, they still look relatively healthy, unlike the gigantic Frank Black, and the rather cracked out looking Kim Deal.

When the money came the Smith's way, 5 million dollars just to play the Coachella festival in California this year, the offer was turned down. When journalist David Fricke asked if he had considered it, Morrissey answered, "No, because money doesn't come into it," a response that drew applause from the crowd. When asked about the Smiths he replied "It was a fantastic journey. And then it ended. I didn't feel we should have ended. I wanted to continue. (Smiths guitarist Johnny Marr) wanted to end it. And that was that." Mystery intact. I guess Coachella fans will have to be happy with other 80's notables Depeche Mode and Madonna, safe to say Night Planet will not be in attendance.

Smiths win, Pixies please don't come back again and pass it on to Metallica if you would, although it far far too late for them (did I mention its too late for Metallica? Mystery way dead)

Genetic Superstar

2006-03-19T19:11:00.000-05:00

If it ever came to betting on a future musical superstars, I would choose Natalie Ray, daughter of Chrissie Hynde and Ray Davies (sorry Francis Bean.) Born in 1983, I would think that the time is right, in fact, I'm getting worried. In this era of American Idol, and teen sensations, I'm afraid she's already over the hill. Try as I might I can't find any further information about the baby who was towed around the world during Pretenders tours, being exposed to god knows what, especially as Pretenders band members were dropping like flies.

While I know offspring of musical superstars don't necessarily inherit the gene of brilliance, see Ziggy Marley and Jacob Dylan, I would think having a mother who gave Sid Vicious his famous lock chain, shared a rehearsal space with Mick Jones pre-Clash, sang with the Damned in their pre-recording days, and mixed tough and tender like no one else, and a father who wrote better songs than the Beatles with a voice from another planet (in NP's opinion) would account for something.

I'm waiting.

By her own account, the birth of daughter Natalie Ray in January 1983 took Hynde "from rock 'n' roll goddess to straight-A student, from greaseball to mother's pride in 15 seconds. I never even picked up a baby before I had one. I just thought they were a load of Martians who had nothing to do with me," she told Rolling Stone. "Even when I was having the kid, when I was actually in labor, I kept saying to Ray, 'How do people do this? It's so bloody hard.' He was going, 'Yeah, but you're doing it!' It was like being initiated into a secret society." (Joyce Millman, salon.com, http://www.salon.com/people/bc/1999/04/06/hynde/print.html)

The Threatening Ranch Hand

2006-03-19T16:00:00.000-05:00

(Former?) Actor, current stable hand Robert Blake is all over the place. From overly polite to ""You ask too many questions," he barks at one point. "Don't you know not to interrupt an actor when he's on a roll?" while doing a recent interview with Linda Deutsch of the AP. He's menacing, very much so for a small, 72 year old man. While I admire his fire, mood swings like this make me think he needs sedation: He threatened to end the interview when he was asked about Rosie, the daughter he had with his late wife, Bonny Lee Bakley. Rosie, now 5, has been adopted by his adult daughter. At another point, saying he wanted to "sing a song to Rosie," he launched into a melodic rendition of the pop song "You Are So Beautiful to Me."

When Larry King asked what he had been doing lately after the murder trial had ended, his response indicated that he had been "cowboying it." Not knowing where he was going to wake up, shooting pool at truck stops till dawn. Now please don't hunt me down, creepy Beretta, but while I respect this "wherever I hang my hat is home" lifestyle, isn't it a bit sad to allow your daughter to adopt your other daughter, while you are out brushing horses and riding motorcycles?

In the event that he didn't do it, or that she deserved it, we wish him the best with his new apartment and fixed income: Blake said he's broke and living on his Social Security and Screen Actor's Guild pension. With his bankruptcy case pending, he said he needs permission just to get a new car. He's living in a small apartment now, a far cry from the homes he once occupied. "I feel like I'm on location in a movie where you're always walking down a long hallway," he said. Mostly I just get an ego boost knowing I'm living larger than a star of his magnitude, something I think about everyday. It usually goes along the lines of "I wonder what Prince is doing right now?" "Probably flying to Aruba and eating peeled grapes." "I wonder what Robert Blake is doing right now?" "Probably calling his super and trying to unclog an old toilet."

I have an idea for a more lucrative career, how about counseling other former child stars, such as "Goonies" cast members? I was going to mention McCauley Caulkin, but he seems to be doing great nowadays.

If help isn't what he has in mind, I can think of no better godfather for a porn ranch, the kind with beds hidden in barns and plenty of digital video cameras. Sounds like a career restarter to me, just please, don't yell at us, unstable grandpa.

Team/Band That Needs To Fade

2006-03-18T23:27:00.000-05:00

Let's freshen up.......

Team:
Detroit Red Wings
The professional precision is impressive, and the city needed a success story, but after years of emotionless domination, even when not winning it all, they needs to subside. Even having to cut their salary nearly in half hasn't caused a stutter step. If you've ever witnessed an NHL game where Detroit is playing on the road, you will note that almost as many fans cheer for the Red Wings as the home team, their cockiness rubbing across North America the wrong way. Let the Pistons incite riots for a while, and let 44 year old Chris Chelios retire. Night Planet wouldn't mind seeing a Nashville/Carolina Stanley Cup, maybe then the stellar Hurricanes will move to somewhere that cares about hockey. In fact, that would be the lowest TV rated final ever, but with two of the most exciting teams, the battle of the mountains.

Band:
Pearl Jam
Well, can't say I ever liked your numbing, instantly stale music, but must give you credit for endurance. Pearl Jam is like a survivalist in a hunting cabin in the North Cascades who returns to town every now and then to release a blockbuster hit in the non-evolving Billboard world. Churning out brand new songs you think you've heard before, Pearl Jam is back. Sluggish lyrics that hint at insight and indistinct guitar rock are sure to follow. Staind and friends beware.
World Wide Suicide chart news: World Wide Suicide debuts on Billboard Modern Rock Audience Chart at number 1 and number 3 overall on the format's chart.

The Beautiful Dungeon

2006-03-17T16:33:00.000-05:00

The Scientology Celebrity Center, one of the most beautiful hotels in LA, was infested some time ago, like something out of Star Trek, maybe.

It was a mere two minutes down the street from where my friend, the ATL malcontent lived. I have fond memories of the flutter of attention from the Scientologist security force as you simply walked by. An event that annoyed me more and more each time, until the yell "Freaks!" came out of my inebriated mouth one night towards the end of my stay there.

By that time I had already met the innocent movie star hopefuls who had shipped in from the east or midwest. Their genuine sweetness and innocence eroding away by the second, often precipitated by "taking classes" at the Celebrity Center, seen as essential to getting a career of the ground. It was spread around like gossip, a secret.

One girl I knew, actually was trying to make it in comedy, a tough road I would think. She had to "take classes" just to stay at her aunts house for a few months while she got on her feet...I remember her being the first to tell me about the "E-Meter," a device consisting of two metal electrodes that measures your mental state, from which they incite you to confess your past to them. Another woman I knew was told that if she wanted this job she would have to convert. She declined, but I'm sure she has succumbed by now, if she is still there.

Then there were the catalogues that came to another friend's apartment building after one of LA's many Scientologists had moved out. It was filled with $11,000 books, $40,000 sets of several books, a 30 day sea cruise for your non-believing child, and lots of seemingly coded language. God knows what was done to them out in international waters, but maybe it is why the poor children walked around Hollywood staring at the ground, all dressed in blue. Sometimes I even got the feeling they were dying to be rescued, although I could never find out for sure. It seemed like they were forbidden to look at the outside world, the new Amish, spending all day dreaming of planetary clearing, when the aliens come pick them up.

Writer Harmon Leon posed as a German rockstar and spent the night at the Celebrity Center, among details of his comical stay,http://www.rickross.com/reference/scientology/scien410.html, was a tour of L. Ron Hubbard's office.

"And this is L. Ron Hubbard's office."
"The actual office used by L. Ron Hubbard?" This is like being in Jesus' room.
"No. Each Scientology center has an office for L. Ron Hubbard, decorated in a way he would like it."
"Oh, so the office was used when he was visiting, ya?"
"No. He died before this hotel was refurbished."

Now that I'm away, the sinister underbelly of LA (no not the Mafia) has faded from my mind, but on that night, the night of the yell, my body had soaked up too much of the atmosphere. I needed some fresh air, away from the creepy smiles and blank stares, and the Juliet Lewis making it as a star seminars held deep in one of the most guilded cages the world has ever known.

Then I move away only to find a family member falling into "the Landmark Forum," but that's a post for another day.

Natural Mystic

2006-03-16T17:28:00.000-05:00

While sitting here on a winter's afternoon listening to Bob Marley Live in Paris 1980, hearing conversations in French off to my left, but recorded 26 years ago, I got to thinking about the amazing life he had.

From his impoverished childhood in Trenchtown, to playing the Smile Jamaica concert 48 hours after an assassination attempt, to uniting warring leaders onstage in Jamaica, ending civil war all while playing a song. The April 1978 concert in Kingston marked Marley's triumphant return from exile and the stunning on-stage handshake between Prime Minister Michael Manley and opposition leader Edward Seaga. Their political rivalry had spawned ruthless teams of ghetto gunmen and an outbreak of murder on the island. Not to mention spreading his tropical vibe all over the world, angry, happy, sunny, and dark, but always warm.

If you need more evidence of an illuminated life, simply review his list of kids, and birthdates. There is bound to be one your age.

.....like the bird in the tree the prisoner must be free.

Bob Marley had 12 children, three with his wife Rita. His children are, in order of birth:
Sharon, born November 23,1964, to Rita by another man before she married Bob, and adopted by Bob.
Cedella, born August 23, 1967, to Rita.
David "Ziggy", born October 17, 1968, to Rita.
Stephen, born April 20, 1972, to Rita.
Robert "Robbie", born May 16, 1972, to Pat Williams.
Rohan, born May 19, 1972, to Janet Hunt. Married to Lauryn Hill.
Karen, born 1973, to Janet Bowen.
Stephanie, born 1974?, to Rita by another man, and adopted by Bob.
Julian, born June 4, 1975, to Lucy Pounder.
Ky-Mani, born February 26, 1976, to Anita Belnavis.
Damian "Jr. Gong", born July 21, 1978, to Cindy Breakspeare.
Makeda, born May 30, 1981, to Yvette Crichton.

Can't Separate the Dog from the Bomb Sniffing

2006-03-16T15:50:00.000-05:00

Much like a brain surgeon also likes to go bowling, or a rocket scientist might enjoy square dancing, bomb sniffing dogs too cannot evolve beyond their nature. Once in a while they need to show that they are not bomb sniffing robots, they are like the dog waiting to be fed by bowls all around the world.

Today they decided to show their solidarity with the rest of the pack, howling to one another across backyards and fences. Not all bomb sniffing dogs are snobs, when the working day is done, they can still have a drink and maybe play cards with the common pet next door. Not all of their friends are seeing eye dogs and other professionals, one rather racist sniffer was quoted as saying "As long as they aren't lapdogs, especially Maltese."

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - A San Diego arena was evacuated for about two hours on Thursday, delaying a first-round game in the hugely popular national college basketball championship, after a hot dog cart attracted the attention of a bomb-sniffing dog.

"They had a robot go in and disassemble the hot dog cart and look for suspicious substances and at this point we have determined that there is no threat and it's safe to enter the arena," Beresford said.

October Everywhere

2006-03-16T05:38:00.000-05:00

As I crack a beer at 5:30 am after finishing a report, and watch the Korea vs. Japan recorded transmission, I'm surprised how succesful the World Baseball Classic has been. A full major league stadium rabidly cheering for Korea in southern California. Just pleasantly surprised by something I had dismissed. Both games I've casually watched seem to be tight till the end, and full of October style drama.

Team USA has to beat Mexico later today to advance, sending ancient ace Roger Clemens to the mound, certainly not appearing like the sport's birth country will take all. Seems like most countries are balanced pretty well, and its more unpredicatable than say, the olympics. Evidence of how far baseball has spread, while never seeming overwhelmigly popular. Maybe the old timey, Sunday afternoon crackly am radio sport is entering a golden age. The slow pace may be attractive once again.

Suddenly I feel the hint of Spring in the air, although I caught that a month ago due to global warming.

Last Jobs We Would Ever Want

2006-03-14T21:20:00.000-05:00

and the 2006 Night Planet nominees are:

1. Doctor (insane and cocky = bad combination)
2. Telemarketer (no description needed)
3. Crystal Meth Dealer (bad hours)
4. Car Salesman of any kind (no description needed)
5. President of the USA (why does anyone want it?)
6. UPS Warehouse Worker (is that a level of hell?)
7. Math Teacher (like herding cats, plus we hate math)
8. Nursing Home Aide (ass wiping, high occurrence of old people eating)
9. Pyramid Schemer (satanic, even if we can start earning 12,000 a month right away)
10. Anything Scientology Related (even Chef of South Park)
11. Commercial Actor (We'd have to slice our own face off, jingle singer too)
12. Assistant to any Hollywood Star (wiping away Halle Berry's tears, no thanks!)
13. Evangelical Minister (satanic)
14. Dentist (mouths day after day? we'd kill)
15. School Guidance Counselor (major in whatever the fuck you want in college, it's annoying to hear about)
16. Anything at a Junior High/High School (After 11 years old is the "age of the turkey" as the Spanish say)
17. Snack Seller at Sporting Event (endless stairs, beer bellies, sore throats from yelling "Beah Heah")
18. Soup Factory Worker (all that clam chowder stirring, screw that!)
19. Massage Therapist (intimate touching with anyone who pays, sounds familiar)
20. Hippy (sore thumbs from bongo playing, headaches from patchouli)

...and the winner is, Doctor, did we even have to name 19 more?

Adios Sonic Youth, Hello Serena Maneesh

2006-03-12T17:00:00.000-05:00

If there is one style of music, that when done well draws Night Planet in every single time, it's when the mixture of noise and melody is done well. At 12:30 am on Saturday morning I got a call inviting me to see Norweigian band Serena Maneesh downtown, and jumped into the car immediately.

As I walked in the door, I was drawn in by the sonic textures coming from the stage, including a violinist, a six foot blonde bassplayer kicking around the stage thumbing her nose at the citywide smoking ban, and a few guitarists, one being a gypsy looking singer.

The boy girl vocals, the sweetness and the noise reminded me of My Bloody Valentine, the music was like a cross between the Velvet Underground and 80's Sonic Youth. The energy given off was that of apocolypse and introspection, very dense. It reminded me of A Sonic Youth show I saw in 1991, when they still had it, they made it seem like the world was falling apart outside of the room, but all was well inside the womb that was the club. This was like a shoegazing version of that.

It all culminated with the drummer diving into his kit while the guitarists screamed into their pickups and the feedback rolled. Even though there were only 50 people there, the band played like this was their big chance. Highly recommended, less pretentious and annoying than Thurston Moore and company have become. Their album comes out in about 1 month, although I was able to get it at the show, chaotic goodness, music to listen to under a blue light.

Is Norway the next Sweden?

Haunted Roast Beef

2006-03-10T23:15:00.000-05:00

After watching a chilling documentary about the Summerwind mansion haunting in northern Wisconsin, I decided to do a little research. First of all, I wanted to find out more about this specific case, involving an early 1900's mansion where a former US secretary of Commerce once shot at what he thought was an intruder, only to watch the bullets pass straight through. Years later a family man lost his mind and spent all night playing increasingly eerie tunes on a Hammond organ, freaking out his wife and kids, who eventually had him committed for life. While we were all listening to Poison and other assorted glam metal in the late 80's, the mansion was somehow struck by lightning and burned to the ground, even though it was surrounded by trees far taller than its roof.

This got me thinking, one usually associates hauntings with creepy decrepit houses and old European castles, places where the walls have soaked in the past, but we should be seeing some modern structures start to creep in. Now, and in the future, we should be hearing about haunted strip malls, fast food restaurants, supermarkets, and Chuck E. Cheeses (already scary without the supernatural.) I did stumble upon reports of a haunted Arbys in Colorado Springs where a manager had been murdered in the mid 90's. Apparantly chairs move and a figure is seen surveying the secret process of converting beef to gel, and then gel into a sandwich. This franchise location has been demolished, along with the Fotomat hut next door.

If you ask me, nothing could be more frightening than seeing a ghost under the sickly fluorescent lighting in the cereal aisle, or looking at the new releases at Blockbuster. I'm predicting a future filled with haunted condos, parking structures, and other edifices of our modern world...someday these things are going to be old and creepy, mark my words.

So do I believe in ghosts? My answer is yes, I've been to the Hotel Del Coronado off San Diego, and to the 175 year old abandoned house on my grandmother's Maryland farm, but these are for another post. Have I been to the haunted Papa Johns Pizza? Well, not yet.

Dialing Delirium

2006-03-09T01:27:00.000-05:00

So you are bored, unnaturally bored, and you live 25 miles outside of the Value City boundaries. You are 25 miles behind the times, you still drive American cars, you think mulletts are flattering, you are still caught up in the 2004 election and your bumper stickers show it. What do you do, your power has been cut off, you don't get cable TV out there, you haven't been turned onto freebasing. How about make thousands of prank phone calls between very specific hours...especially to other counties you've never heard of...to people, likely sub-humans, who didn't go to your elementary school, and shop at Target rather than Wal-Mart.

We're going to give you the benefit of the doubt, if you would have known to dial 10-10-987 you would have expanded your horizons to say, at least Michigan or Pennsylvania too, although we know of your cultures fondness for referring to everything in terms of counties anyway. You could be the county's, scratch that, the tri-county area's most wanted!

We here at Night Planet certainly admire your persistence, your tenacity, and your drive, and by the way...cell phones have caller ID these days, friend.

COSHOCTON, Ohio - Authorities arrested a man accused of making thousands of harassing and obscene calls to random cell phone numbers in at least eight counties.
James R. Hood, 43, was charged with one count of compelling prostitution, or offering money for sex. He posted bond and was released from the Coshocton County jail, the sheriff's office said Wednesday..

Hood's phone records show he made 2,623 calls in 20 days, "all basically obscene in nature," Coshocton County deputy Brent McKee said.
The calls were made between 2 a.m. and 3 a.m., Licking County Sheriff Randy Thorp said.

Persecute Me, Like in Days of Old

2006-03-09T00:44:00.000-05:00

One night, maybe 4 months ago the phone rang. I reluctantly answered only to hear a woman say "I'm calling from the church of_____ and I wanted to know if there was anything you would like me to pray to god for you." A bit taken aback, and overly sensitive in this department I replied "world peace," to which she actually let out a scoffing sound. "Anything a bit more personal I could pray for?" "nope, that's it" I replied, trying my hardest not to rant. I know its not a great answer, but it beat "your death."

The reason this comes to mind now is: DOVER, Pa. -- A Philadelphia-based group that promotes creationism is planning to go door to door in Dover, York County on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.
Michael Marcavage, the director of the conservative organization Repent America, said his group is visiting Dover because they "want to be where the enemy is diligently attacking."
Last election, Dover voters elected a school board that is against the teaching of intelligent design in biology class.

Another time, while living in southern California, I received a letter postmarked from Tacoma, Washington, one of my least favorite places. It, in so many words, informed me that I'd better accept Jesus before it too late. I thought about this for a while, and came to the conclusion that this north woods, very white person, looked through the LA phone book for Jewish last names and planned accordingly. I actually felt relieved, as someone from that very same hellhole had recently visited LA to shoot up a Jewish pre-school.

Why do I bring this up? Well aside from being something that annoys the hell out of me, and a rather timely topic, it got me thinking. How often to these aggressive conversion techniques actually well, convert anyone, and is it even meant to? Is it a cheap way to achieve persecution, which evangelicals seem to cream over? Is it a way to feel superior because they can confront someone who they soon will be glancing down at from their lofty perch in heaven..because I know they don't really care about saving me.

There is an obvious correlation between sports and religion, I just ain't playing. I mean, I hope the Cleveland Indians take out my blogging friend ATL Malcontent's Atlanta Braves, but we can still be friends. It isn't personal, he doesn't get tortured eternally when this happens next October...and I know better than to try to convert him, even if I think he is going to be eternally saved by doing so...and I know my "religion" isn't perfect, they should change the fucking Chief Wahoo mascot, now lets see if he will agree that the most annoying chant in sports history "the Tomahawk Song thing" should go too. Its called de-escalation, study it.

The more I ponder this very obvious rant, the more I think Muslims and Christians really live for each other, none of the other religions really care about what bit of unknowable information their neighbor bases his life around. Maybe that's why half of me, the Jewish side, likes to sit back and observe while cracking sarcastic comments, while the other half, the Christian part, wants to kick your ass.

Glitzy Glamour Bullshit

2006-03-05T21:02:00.000-05:00

Having just watched a fantastic DVD of the prematurely cancelled TV show Freaks and Geeks, and the fact that the overblown silicon circus knows as the oscars is happening as I speak, I've decided to spit some venom towards the Hollywood elite. It might not be original, but always warranted.

In particular one wanker needs to be called out again. Garth Ancier, former president of NBC. He essentially cancelled the critically acclaimed Freaks and Geeks around the turn of the millenium because being an upper class, Connecticut prep school elitist, he could not relate to the trials and tribulations of middle class kids living in 1980 Michigan. He railed that the great ensemble cast, pictured above, was not pretty enough to look at, and that the show was a little too real for TV.

According to former NBC employee Maggie Houska "My boss told me stories of how, in after-hours meetings with the executives, he’d have the commissary prepare him a filet mignon, which he’d eat off of fine china and wash down with exquisite red wine drunk out of a crystal goblet, while the executives, who were all pretty powerful Hollywood players themselves, ate pizza off of paper towels and drank Coors out of cans. Just so they’d all know who was boss. In short, he was and remains to this day a grade-A, wide-awake nightmare of an assbag."

The above excerpt shows exactly what annoyed me the most about the industry. It's a self congratulating hierarchy where being an egotistical and aggressive asshole is rewarded. I recall talking to a craft services woman on a set who had just been screamed at by a director for not pouring a glass of orange juice for him, and he hadn't even asked, she was supposed to just know somehow. The people who make it to the top seem to do so by intimidating others into treating them like royalty.

When you meet a down to earth celebrity, they have certainly remained so due to incredible personal strength and resisitance in an industry where arrogance is seen as essential, and even the grips often have egos.

When you are ready to knock female celebrities for having legs the size of toothpicks, remember where these pressures are coming from, while at NBC Acier was quoted as saying "he didn’t want to see any female on Friends who was over a size ten."

Night of the Short Pants

2006-03-04T15:44:00.000-05:00

"being a nerd, a geek, a dork — whatever you want to call the tragically unhip — is becoming a source of pride."

A new movement has started, spearheaded by Napoleon Dynamite some claim. "Nerd Pride" is moving up on the list of slogans, alongside "white pride" and "gay pride" and "asian pride" and "proud to be an American" and "southern by the grace of god."

I first noticed this when I witnessed a cheerleader looking 20 something bragging that "she is a total tech geek." Dorks are even accusing others of being posers in pro-nerd t-shirts.

Nick Ross, a 26-year-old freelance artist and animator, wrote The True Geek Test, a set of online questions aimed at weeding out the "posers." He says people often want to play the part but, in this case, know little about the worlds of computers and gaming — something Ross says is a must to truly be a geek.

While I must speak out against this trend, as it will transform nerds from loveable, shy, fashion challenged, sensitive people into shrill voiced elitists, in my eyes. At least they got their definition of "pride" right (of course, they're dorks.) Pride is something that you feel because of an accomplishment that you, as an individual, have been able to achieve, like getting those good grades in Calculus is an achievement you can be proud of, and also an event that pidgeon holes one as a dork. What of the nerds by birth, you might ask, well that really threw me for a loop, don't ask that while I'm hungover please.

You cannot be "proud to be an American" because you didn't really have a choice, and you didn't earn that, you can be "happy that you are a German." In a sense, the recent immigrant could more rightfully speak such a phrase than the jackass in the truck with all of the stickers, as he has worked for it. In the case of genetic nerds, should it be nature over nurture, "happy I'm the spawn of socially inept parents who had no other choices for mates," would be acceptable, as pride implies choice or effort.

Whether this trend creates a backlash and jocks everwhere go on a rampage, or it turns into a fascist movement with non-nerds having thier possessions thrown out in the street and burned, the end results are not going to be good. Nerds are certain to lose their favored clique status, in this writers eyes anyway. Best to keep being sympathetic little elves, rather than some slogan chanting mob, or a snickering copy of the pre-French revolution aristocracy.

We beg you, don't go from victim to abuser, and let us keep our jobs please.

Call CNN & Press Record

2006-03-03T00:56:00.000-05:00

Big news out of the candyland I allegedly studied in, they thought anyway. The cops, who mainly hand out noise tickets and keep the revenue flowing through underage drinking arrests, may have thought they were being drilled by the department of Homeland Security. They may have even daydreamed about meeting George Bush for the awarding of the medal of courage, or whatever those things are he hands out.

I'm picturing the excited first police dispatch going out, "someone call Washington" was probably spoken next. Flashes of the NYPD probably filled their collective self image as they called for the bomb squad, located 80 miles away, brought out the rifles, and stated "we've got a situation here," and things like "GET THE HELL DOWN NOW!"

ATHENS, Ohio -- A mountain bike with a sticker proclaiming "This Bike is a Pipe Bomb" triggered alarm this morning on the Ohio University campus.
Streets were cordoned off and buildings closed after the bike was found chained outside The Oasis, a popular restaurant and convenience store.
Authorities were worried the bicycle harbored an explosive device due to the ominous message, first noticed at 5:30 a.m. by an OU police officer.

It turns out This Bike is a Pipe Bomb is a punk-folk band from Pensacola, Fla. The owner of the one-time bicycle apparently is a fan of the group.
Firefighters used a high-powered stream of water to knock the bike to pieces in the search for a bomb. The Columbus Fire department bomb squad was among units called to the scene.

I don't blame them for being cautious, but this is a police force who once donned riot gear to put down a "riot" that occurred when drinkers were kicked out of bars early due to daylight savings time. They didn't want to spring forward, they were the fall back types.

I remember being out and around at that time and place, but was unable to sense the incredible danger that surely was right over my shoulder. The images on the local news said it all, rows of marching cops with shields marching down the main drag in formation, facing absolutely no resistance. I didn't know just how many cops the little town had until seeing that, I had thought there were maybe 5 of them.

You just want to try out the equipment now and then I guess, when you see it in the supply room for 15 years getting dusty.

The Big D__pper

2006-03-02T23:01:00.000-05:00

"You either give up your cheap trips to Majorca, or you give up astronomy. You can't do both."

Ever picture retiring to a rural setting where you can sit on a porch and look at the stars? We may have to rethink this after the latest expert prediction involving air pollution. According to a study cited by the BBC, ground telescopes may be worthless by 2050 due to jet exhaust, increased condensation in the air due to warmer temperatures, and pollution in general. Astronomers are beginning to look toward Antarctica, which surprisingly has clear skies most of the time.

This does not suprise me, as I once lived in Los Angeles, which may or may not be pictured left. Sure it was crisp and clear on certain days..when the wind blew the smog away. I got used to having sore throats in the summer, essentially breathing inside a closed garage with the car on for 3 months. Whenever I left and returned, it struck me how apocalyptic the city seemed, which I enjoyed sometimes, depending on my mood. Not sure how I would feel about golden smog filling the entire globe though.

I would not recommend counting the common telescope out, however. There will always be apartments in urban areas to peek into. Even if they fade into the foggy landfill, the nerdly inclined would still have metal detectors to fill their partnerless lives.

DIY

2006-03-01T12:21:00.000-05:00

Our favorite current indie labels include.

In the Red Lots of interesting stuff in the blown out garage rock/borederline art damage genre, including local friends the Cheater Slicks, Country Teasers from the UK, Lost Sounds, the Intelligence. Proof that there is an underground. Los Angeles, CA. www.intheredrecords.com

S-S Records, Sacramento, CA. Seems to be a very modern label, releases include Seattle minimalists the A-Frames, a great varied compilation featuring bands from across the world called"Babyhead," including a track by our band, the Guinea Worms, and it appears they have a newfound fascination with French avant guard bands. http://s-srecords.com

While digital media, homogeniziation,and a lack of creativity kill the oppressive major label regime, small, creative labels should thrive, handpicking what to put out with care, and really creating a network of artists across the country and into Europe.

The babyhead LP has absolutely no writing on it and is pressed on white vinyl adding to its mystique.

Night Planet salutes those with the energy to create their own world.

I Learned It From You, Dad

2006-02-28T22:40:00.000-05:00

Tony Danza rose from the porn world, my source, urban legend, tells me....

spent nearly a decade playing a dad trying to keep his TV daughter out of hot water on ABC's long-running sitcom Who's The Boss. Now the actor turned talk-show host has to deal with some real-life drama at home — after his teenage daughter was photographed smoking pot from a pipe with a group of friends.

"Friends say Katie is a top student who has never been in trouble. But dad Tony is not pleased with her right now. He told The National Enquirer: "Understand, I am not happy about this, but my Katie is a good kid who, like other kids her age, has made mistakes.."

I'm not sure what else Tony could say here. The daughter would smirk off any attempt at a "talk." When he was her age he was likely at a Malibu porn ranch with a gold spoon, a parking lot full of red corvettes, frosted perms, Cuervo Gold.

I'm surprised anyone who was a televison star in the 70's or 80's would even blink at hearing this news. I'm imagining flashbacks of lost weekends in the hills, sparring with assistant directors over late coke deliveries, lots of pool parties...old Aerosmith, maybe disco. I might have a romantic vision of the times.... wasn't that the golden age of LA?

I'd bet the two have smoked together, at their vacation home in Wyoming maybe, or in Hawaii that time.

I sometimes wonder if the world is so newsless that a picture of an 18 year old smoking pot is incredible information for those sitting in silence to study more about, for newspapers to be printed and sent around the globe, and then I realize my comments on it increase the void, words floating down the whirlpool, but the current is nice.

-Stanley Roper.

That Isn't The Bathroom Attendant

2006-02-27T19:21:00.000-05:00

"Listening to him describe it, it's like listening to a crack or cocaine addict. He's addicted to children's urine"

It's so hard to get turned on anymore. Spanking, menage a trois, run of the mill pedophilia. In this post-modern world, one needs to be creative. Right here in Value City a local man taken it upon himself to push the boundaries beyond the golden shower, and believe me, we are all feeling the hometown pride here. I can't believe they are locking him up for this, he's just imitating Ghandi...and sailors with scurvy right?

Everyone should get recognition for their accomplishments eventually, and we salute Alan Patton (pictured above), for getting the aknowledgement he deserves after 40 years of honing his skills.

VALUE CITY, Ohio -- A Central Ohio man allegedly told police last week that he likes to drink the urine of adolescent boys.
Alan Patton, 54, is in jail after allegedly telling Gahanna, Ohio, police about his affection for urine.
Police said Patton goes to family restaurants and movie theaters and waits for boys in a bathroom stall. Investigators said he shuts off the water to the child-level urinal and puts a cup in the bottom.
"He goes back and retrieves the cup and drinks the urine," Detective Ron Fithen said.

Computer Graphics Take New York

2006-02-27T18:45:00.000-05:00

The cost of reflection is staggering these days. Controvery is raging over plans for an odd underground memorial to the 9-11 victims, called a death trap by some. No better place to think about violent deaths than below the streets then?

It seems to me that less is more sometimes. A stark memorial seems more in order than a grand $500 million complex. Of course, I get accused of being "not the average American" from time to time, and actually preferred the Gaudi tower design (pictured below).

In the spirit if fitting in, let me propose an amusement park too. Lets keep the kids entertained here. How about a water park?

A tree-lined memorial plaza is planned for above ground, but the museum to commemorate the 2001 terrorist attacks and part of the memorial where the names are listed will be as much as 70 feet below street level

What a better world it would be if a giant rocket appeared ready to launch out of lower Manhattan. A symbol of the new age of American surrealism that would surely follow.

If NP were in charge, all we would have had to hear was "how about this design by the late Spanish genius Antoni Gaudi?" and we'd of been sold.

Someone Clean The Cage

2006-02-27T17:57:00.000-05:00

Is it me, or are there more plague ready viruses mutating around the world than in the past? Perhaps round the clock news, and news trends are just keeping me more up to date than usual. Is the aquarium getting too hot and stagnant?

The latest, "Chikungunya" fever, for which there is no known cure or vaccine, has been spreading through islands off the southeast coast of Africa since January, affecting more than 150,000 people in Reunion, Seychelles and Mauritius."

The disease, first recognised in Tanzania, is marked by high fever and severe rashes, and while most people recover, it is extremely painful.

Yet another virus spread by Night Planet's least favorite being of any kind, the mosquito. There are too many to track floating around these days, I've laid off my personal virologist, I'm going to just live my life now, bird flu marked the end of diseases that I am going to go into an absolute panic over, no more trembling in the sterilized bathroom eating protein bars looking for remote locations to hole up in. I wan't to live, love, eat chicken, and visit the tropics until the antibiotic immune microorganism armies unite and take over.

Invisible Camera

2006-02-26T20:31:00.000-05:00

Night Planet recently screened the latest Soderburgh film "Bubble," the most aptly titled film in years. What struck us most was the incredible realism. The use of supposed non-actors, and the morose and industrially lit scenes really take you inside the decaying Ohio town, you clock into the doll factory with the workers and join them for fast food in the dismal breakroom.

Not everyone has the tastes of the Planet, and we understand if it isn't what you were looking for on a Saturday night. The cast isn't pretty to look at, with the exception of Misty Dawn Wilkins (pictured below), and we felt lucky to get an ending at all, knowing it wouldn't be happy. The introduction and minimal storytelling make it seem you have stumbled upon surveillance tapes, and as the events unfold, we found the intimacy of the actor's mannerisms quite creepy, one in particular.
The film seems a breath of fresh air, granted polluted. It made us a bit depressed and scared us enough to be entertained, not in the slasher way mind you, in the "there are people like this around the corner" sense. A good film to watch alone, late at night, and not with your average significant other. Its loose, but has a concrete tale to tell, setting it apart from somewhat similar movies like "Kids," maybe. Don't worry, it doesn't resemble the "I can't wait till that character dies" Blair Witch Project.

Here's to using this method elsewhere, maybe somewhere with palm trees next time.

Cloudy and Slow

2006-02-26T16:14:00.000-05:00

There's something about a Sunday, we can all feel it. There's also ony certain songs, and genres of music that fit Sundays.

I associate the quiet day with old country or the Velvet Underground, sparse acoustic guitar. I've had my VU "I've got a feeling I don' want to know" with dreamy melancholy violin mornings., and I've had bluegrass on the radio while sitting on a front porch afternoons, a great slow day broadcasting tradition it seems.

Nothing conflicts with the the 7th day more than Rock and Roll, or Techno I would think. Thats out of the universal system by Sunday dawn, across the world. Ever seen a show, or played one on a Sunday? Any celebratory decadence has run its course, energy is impossible.

I'd like a Neil Young, or an Elliott Smith (guess I'm too late) to make minimal, pretty, sorrowful music for a soundtrack, music for thinking....something to have in mind while I walk through the market, sip coffee and read the paper.

Another Good One Gone

2006-02-25T18:04:00.000-05:00

You didn't keep those kids in line like I did during Three's Company, but you were a comic legend.

Don Knotts seemed like a real and down to Earth person, just a feeling I have. Couldn't pass up the opportunity to pay a little respect. Congratulations on an interesting life and a great run.

We Can't Wait

2006-02-25T17:02:00.000-05:00

ART SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL

We rarely get excited for a movie to come out, but this is an exception. Another story by underground comic writer Daniel Clowes is coming to life.

If you have never read "Eightball" the classic comic (http://www.fantagraphics.com), it is highly recommended by Night Planet..one of the best satirical, poignant, and above all hilarious works ever created, in our opinion anyway. Killed hours of down time during the early to mid 90's, and gave reason to talk to the comic store guy in Athens, a real life version of the Simpsons legend. Good to see another Daniel Clowes movie, now how about some new comics too? Are we out of the loop, or is the genre in a lull? Time to dig the dusty box out of storage and reread them.

In "Art School Confidential," director Terry Zwigoff returns to a theme from his films "Crumb" and "Ghost World": the isolation of sensitive people whose interests and work are under-appreciated in a vacuous contemporary world.The film is Zwigoff's second adaptation of a comic story by Daniel Clowes, after "Ghost World," for which they shared an Academy Award nomination for Best Adapted Screenplay in 2002.

"Art School Confidential" follows a talented young artist Jerome Platz (Max Minghella) as he escapes from high school to a tiny East Coast art school. Here the boyish freshman's ambition is to become the world's greatest artist, like his hero Picasso.

Tom Kruse's World

2006-02-25T04:19:00.000-05:00

When I see the Hoveround commercial, and its accompanying "you made me love you, I didn't want to do it ..." with the beaming seniors laughing it up in the rest home rec room, I know its time to go to bed.

Founder Tom Kruse, pictured left, gives me that final ominous warning that I'm wandering into the wrong demographic, I hope. Its just me and the sedated in hospital gowns, right?

Is our entire economic future based on decay, heartburn, and credit problems, or have I just been staying up late? The deluge of ads like "I wish life were like this parking meter, I could keep putting in coins and stay here," "I ate these 2 value meals in 5 minutes and I'm covered by this pill I ate yesterday ..,""creditamerica solved my irs tax debt for pennies on the dollar," have you been injured in a car accident?" "I love getting out of my house again!"tend to bring me down, although wait, heres an upbeat weight loss pill testimonial!

Looking back on sunshine filled ads of my youth, I recall they used to try to sell happy things, things that didn't have 30 seconds of disclaimers during a 45 second commercial. I remember jingles, smiling doublemint twins. Sure there were the Sally Struthers saving the children ads, but now that would be squeezed between a herpes ad and an ad for medical malpractice.

Is this the true measure of where we stand, a decaying carnival? We've got to rage against the dying of the light here, lets see some silver lining, if you would please.

Unless I'm watching the news, or a drama, I don't want to be brought down, or reminded of that giant woman in the "shopping scooter" cruising past the customer service counter at the grocery store yelling "I'm not a happy camper!" that I once witnessed. Not only do I have the next day to worry about, now you've got me thinking about gingivitis and funeral plots.

Maybe I should go back to watching Saturday morning cartoons, if they still have them, cocoa puffs over relacor please.

I Know Why The Caged Monkey Swings

2006-02-24T18:05:00.000-05:00

The most dangerous pet one could have might be the smallest monkey in the world, pictured left. Sure a lion or wolverine have the reputations for ferocity, but can you imagine what a tiny, crafty little creature like this could do to a house or its sleeping inhabitants?

As a rule, I don't think it's a good idea to have a pet smarter than you are. A fact I learned trying to care for my mother's parrot while she was out of town. The thing was just impossible to get into it's cage, I walked away completely bloody after getting my ass kicked. I had felt bad about locking it up, until feathers were sticking up and a beak was piercing my skin.

I'm sure there could be an upside to letting a herd (?) of highly functioning miniature monkeys into your apartment too. For instance, I could see them organizing the mice into a charity group. leading them to rooms that need cleaning. Maybe a herd would be too many, no telling what they can accomplish as a team, although it might be comical to see them brushing with a human size toothbrush, mocking the hampsters as they sarcasticly run in the wheel, or watching four of them carry off your last banana.

The sad fact is, something this smart would have to be caged. I'm picturing an introspective little depressed primate, gazing through the bars, maybe smoking.

I guess I would stick to cats or dogs, and so far that's proven too much responsibility.

Does This Include Waking Life?

2006-02-23T17:15:00.000-05:00

Jing Jing, the Chinese network cop (pictured left) and his cousins have been busy lately. Apparantly due to the poisoning of children's minds, and a desire to protect China's own cartoon industry, the little guys have banned film and tv shows that blend animation and live action, "so-called cartoons that mainly feature real people and only occasionally have computer-generated elements," they chirp.

They have threatened and undisclosed punishment if anyone is caught showing or broadcasting this dangerous animation form, used in such films as Roger Rabbit.

I could see how you would want to shield children from such adult films as "Space Jam," and shows like "Blue's Clues," but as far as protecting local animators, well don't they have the technology to make their own? I'm sure 99% of all equipment and components used are manufactured right there.

In any event, I'd advise any Chinese animators reading this to cease immediately unless you want Jing Jing and company coming for you at night, hundreds of tiny eyes blinking at you through your bedroom window.

Coma or Becker?

2006-02-23T01:29:00.000-05:00

"Ted Danson stars as Becker, a dedicated and talented doctor with a gruff exterior"

I'm going to have to post quickly after this one, just because I don't want the bland cast to hypnotize me. As far as I can tell its the worst and least interesting show ever made. This is a kneejerk reaction because I've only seen bits and pieces when it interrupts my King of the Hill viewing late night.

From the cheap theme song and intro, to the bland acting and fake setting, to the doctor main character, to well..Ted Danson, only tolerable in Curb Your Enthusiasm episodes and the odd Cheers. In 7 minutes I've seen enough to cast judgement on the network sitcom. It must have lasted 5 years because no one realized they were watching anything as they stared at the tv. Its so drab your brain can't even focus on it, no one has recollection of that 30 minutes.

We should give some type of award for the show with absolutely no entertainment value whatsoever. No wrap around from its so bad to good, less entertaining than the worst children shows, worse than a tedious documentary on the lawn grass species of eastern Smith county, straight from Hollywood it's a department store clothing catalogue come to life. .NP award winner for worst show, its, I can't remember.

There are fansites, there are message boards!

"We could have 2 gold medal teams in Turin"

2006-02-22T22:20:00.000-05:00

All four of you know that I did not plan to watch the olympics this year despite being a hockey fan, and aside from watching the 3rd period of the US losing effort to Slovakia and some pubescent females skating around in tight panties, my prediction has been true.

Now, I did not intend to take up precious blogspace with another olympic commentary, but today's news has forced my hand, my tired project report writing hand that has typed all day.

Team Canada and Team USA Eliminated In First Medal Round

This is not big news to most Americans. For the most part they have no idea that the 2002 silver medal winning team USA sent a rather decrepit group of 40 year olds to Turin, only to see them win 1 game, against Kazakhstan.

This is bigger news in Canada, a country that claims to own the sport, and whose citizenry can be credited with the headline quote above. Can you put an entire country on suicide watch? They thought they had it in the bag, or around the neck..a loaded team. The 2002 gold medal program sent an all star roster of NHL scoring threats, but were shut out 3 times and eliminated by the Russians, a team they are 1 and 7 against all time during the olympics.

Often Canadians, and some Americans, consider North American players to be the best, a fact that I have always disputed. My favorite players are the crafty, puck handling, play making types, often Russians like Sergei Fedorov. I can't help but feel a little happy that the Canadians have been brought down a peg..now we might have to hear endless rants about how much better their health care system, government, and people are, but the greatest hockey country in the world title will not be included. Perhaps the title should go to the Russians, for some reason that doesn't bother me.

Your reporter, Stanley Roper, fighting nationalism with anti-nationalism and awaiting the resumption of the NHL season.

Mansion On A Finger

2006-02-21T21:06:00.000-05:00

My search for the most expensive jewelry that I, or shall I say one, could buy online led me to a $500,000 star sapphire ring, pictured left, and a lowly diamond engagement ring for $475,000.

Not only do I find it incredible that anything so useless and small could cost as much as a nice home, and that these can be purchased online. I was also amazed that the websites ran terribly...seemed like walking into a Rolls Royce dealership only to find the salespeople wearing overalls and no shoes.

I can't help but show a little gutter snobbery towards both the men who try to impress a woman with a ring valued at 13 years of the average salary, and the demanding women who require something so, well both precious and worthless as a sign of affection. I started researching Lear jets and found a 1981 model that cost $4,000,000, so a used jet or 8 rings?

How rare can these gems be? I've read about the whole DeBeers conspiracy, and it certainly has to be an inflated market. Something can't be rare, yet mined non-stop, for millenia.

I've not heard about any shortages but if there were, I'd be outside the store with a camera capturing the grand disaster with childlike joy...and just maybe a ring or two might slip off and I could live from the proceeds for the next 15 years...and live well. Are the super rich above tearing each other apart like after Thanksgiving day sale plebeians might? Where can I find the desperate and loaded to photograph? If the sickeningly wealthy ever lose all composure, pulling hair, ripping out earrings, sobbing, please let me know where and when...for art's sake.

On a side note, doesn't the jewelry of the ancient Roman elites, pictured left, look similar to what might be sold at a jam band festival in the mountains of Tennessee? By the same logic, will the bohemians of tomorrow be wearing the gems of today?

Catching Sound

2006-02-20T14:04:00.000-05:00

This weekend our band, The Guinea Worms, got to record in probably my favorite studio yet, located in the basement of a swank office building/ballroom in our legendary downtown.

Once we were able to navigate through the well dressed wedding reception crowd, we made our way down into our lair, and settled in, only mingling with guests in the bathroom among their broken bottles and toilets.

I guess maybe I did a little more settling in than the others. Recording days are like holidays to me.
We ended up with the better part of 5 songs..a pretty good take.

Now today I'm supposed to be "working," but the real work was done this weekend. Whoever thinks the life of a rocker is easy hasn't waded through take after take listening to themselves play, trying to get that one version that captures the song, or started drinking at 2 pm allowing time to hit the curve properly. Once a song is on tape, its done and the second guessing begins.

After a day of setting up, and a day of recording, we aren't quite done. Will, our singer and guitarist, will go back to record his vocals in seclusion, not even the rest of the band can learn the secrets of his sound or his 7 herbs and spices.
Things must have been easier when there were fewer tracks. Now you can always add and add, making the possibilities infinite.

The whole experience certainly beat showing up at some strip mall, and perhaps the recordings will reflect that. I like thinking about how environnment affects music, and thoughts in general.

By Sunday night, it was time to leave the place to its day job. Up from next to the boiler room we emerged. The building is like a life, respectable from the street, a secret world hidden underneath.

I like to think the building preferred the night life, although I'll likely never meet its other side. Maybe it looks at us as bad influences.

The weekend is over, but we have a tape. Not computer files, a good old fashioned analog recording.

Today I feel like I have a psychedelic hangover, having trouble re-entering the world.

Avacado Green Days

2006-02-18T01:33:00.000-05:00

I don't no why I let myself get talked into buying a relativey new car, under warantee. I wanted to get something cheaper, something kind of fun.

I like the car I got, a Honda, but I hate worrying about every little scratch, resale value, dings, grocery carts, car doors. Ended up with a grown up car that blends in with the thousands.

It liked the idea of getting a cheap sedan, the kind that only cause damage. I could have bought 3 of them for the same price as mine, wouldn't get the same mileage, but they seemed to have comfortable seats as I remember, and I could have put in a good stereo, satellite everything. In reality I wish I didn't need a car.

I remember seeing some late 90's maroon car that had been hit in the rear bumper and the styrofoam was flowing out. You've got to know your eras and makes. I had an 80's Ford once, was a veteran at 40,000 miles, a battered corpse at 107 and sold for 20 bucks.

Wasn't a nice car to drive but I drove it across the country twice. I felt pretty alive driving through Wyoming at night, not a car or town for miles, and all my hopes rest on this plastic rapidly aging erratic car jammed with luggage, the road really seemed just under my feet.

In the film of me driving alone, getting out of the car to piss in overwhelming isolation, looking up and seeing more stars than ever, hearing wolves howling in the distance,..which would be the better car, the 1988 Tempo, a 2000 Honda, or a 1976 Dodge? Not to mention a gritty urban scene, or a car chase, a love scene in a disco parking lot. I think I made a mistake.

Let's Get Way Out Before It's Too Late

2006-02-17T17:33:00.000-05:00

As the temperature dropped 40 degrees overnight, and I look out on a day the color of a battleship, I feel relieved that it's time for the annual mid-winter Night Planet getaway.

As I write this we are on a yacht silently rolling on the waves, making our way to our first destination. I feel glad to in the Caribbean right now, I'm still relaxing after breaking away from the bad life, the tropical breeze helps shake those black nights, ice storms, the dead eyed people in the parking lots.

Day 2: I can't wait, we're getting off at this deserted island and camping by a shipwreck tonight. I'm not sure how many days we'll stay, for there are no time concerns on the getaway, we're pirates.

Day 7: We've been here for I'd guess 6 sunrises, that's what I'm calling days now. We're running a little low on supplies. Time to head back out to sea.

I love this boat we got this year, its nice, not bad. I guess we could do better.

I hear we'll be doing some diving soon, we are all getting pretty drunk. This is exciting because I don't know how. No worries, as they say, this is excursion 2006. The scenery down here is nice, I'm going to stay down for a while, come up for dinner on deck.

As the days roll past and the mapless quest continues, I'm not ready to go home. Hunting shipwrecks, cooking wild boar on the fire, tribal dancing, days of rum nights of whiskey, treasure hunting, fresh seafood...I'm going to stay in here, I'll be under for a week or two, the doctor's might think its a coma, but believe me I'm fine, beats that evil sky.
Night Planet signing off from under the sea.

even my daydreams aren't safe, I need more practice.

I'm off to enter a shamanic trance at the beach by the fire.

Night Planet from off the sands of the Caribbean, looking over the laptop at the sunset, wish you were here.

Backyard Ethnography

2006-02-17T01:19:00.000-05:00

Anderson Cooper beat me to the punch. I'm watching him report on CSI trained criminals, I knew this would happen.. They are cleaning up cigarette butts, band-aids, hairs and semen, but it's beside the point. They mentioned a town in my home state of Ohio, prime real estate in 25 years with global warming.

Everytime I hear a town named in Ohio, whether it be on national or local news, always a new town is mentioned, often not far from where I've grown up. The local CSI watching villians were from something like New Austin, I could be wrong. There is a New Philadelphia, New Lebanon, Lebanon, New Richmond, New Caanan...ok I admit I'm looking at a map. On the local news I've learned of a new name every time I've watched. If I happen to hit a dry spell I should heed the warning and get out.

I've driven the off roads, the state highways that weave from old town square to slightly more ancient delapidated town square. Each village with its bubble shielding it and steeping it in it's own stew. There are oasis out there, hidden...... and there are vacant parks with statues of war heros, the haunted uptown movie theaters, the 200 year old hotel that may or may not have been converted to a coffee shop with 2 empty floors, the streets of classic houses showing no signs of life, the stories fading by the day.

The secrets of the city can be intriguing, but to think of these towns that the interstate missed, it's a perfect setting for something creepy, likely more disturbing. I'd love to see a travel book documenting spontaneous journeys through this boring, surprising, and terrifying land, I'm just afraid that I'd have to write it myself and I don't think I can commit. Even a Kerouac style road diary seems daunting. The best I can promise would be a quick drive through with digital cameras on a sunny afternoon, taking the state routes.

Is an idea like this dismissed as predictable or drab, or is it too frightening? A close look might prove unsettling. We need some undercover reporters. I don't think I can commit

The Chipped Ice In That Pina Colada You Made Me

2006-02-16T13:54:00.000-05:00

Uncle Phil, remember me...G-gary? The time we detonated those fish in the pond and the whole family made a seafood dinner? You handed me my first dented Pabst Blue Ribbon tall boy?

Damn it Uncle Phil, you said you was gonna make it and buy that jet ski you were always talking about!

I'll never forget you teachin' me how to make trip wire bombs from windex, cauliflower, an old sponge, a firecracker, a snuff can, and some twine, and some laundry detergent though. You were gifted, man, you were gonna to get out, but you just couldn't dispose of the body like everyone told you, could you? You were 2 years away from retirement!

MADISON, Wisconsin (AP) -- A 53 year old man convicted of keeping his dead mother in a freezer for years was indicted Wednesday on a federal charge accusing him of illegally collecting thousands of dollars of her Social Security benefits after she died.

The body of his mother, Edith was found by authorities encased in an ice block in a basement chest freezer.

He defrauded the Social Security Administration of $35,690 meant for his mother and built 19 bombs by packing glass and plastic aspirin bottles with gunpowder, nails and staples that would act as flying shrapnel upon detonation.

Schuth told investigators his mother died of natural causes in 2000, but he concealed her body because he had never held a real job.

Going Places That I've Never Been

2006-02-15T15:40:00.000-05:00

Sunrise on a New Genre

Willie,

I shrugged off your countdown of how many songs remained in your set last summer, "I've got 6 songs left," "this is the third to the last." It didn't really matter that my friends and I had just gone to the back lawn, lit up a joint to listen to your music and look at the summer night sky, when you ended the show at 9:15 at night with no encore and your fans evacuated overtop of us like there was a tornado coming, you're getting up there in years after all (and so are they). I felt fulfilled just to have seen you once, and you sounded like you still have it, full of soul. I got chills the first few songs, hearing the crowd scream "Willie!"

Your new music, what I've heard, is still real and sparse, and nice.

Then you decide to release a gay country song on the Valentines Day just after Brokeback Mountain comes out?

"Cowboys Are Frequently, Secretly (Fond of Each Other)" may be the first gay cowboy song by a major recording artist.

That you didn't write

Available exclusively through iTunes, the song features choppy Tex-Mex style guitar runs and Nelson's deadpan delivery of lines like, "What did you think all them saddles and boots was about?" and "Inside every cowboy there's a lady who'd love to slip out."

Is the outlaw expanding beyond helping farmers, did he have to wait until Waylon died? Tell me this isn't the start of senility Willie...is this an act punk country? Thanks for sticking it those NASCAR types anyway.

Regardless, I would love to see you again, I'll just get there at 7:45 and plan accordingly.

That Warehouse Looking Place by the Railroad Tracks

2006-02-15T00:53:00.000-05:00

In the not so distant past, back when the sun was hot....

I found myself without any money. I had to work and I kept seeing ads on TV for the local call center, you know, the kind that battles other centers in India.

I showed up for the interview, and somewhat unwittingly found myself hired during this whirlwind 10 minutes when I talked to 5 people and took two tests. Started making the 50 mile roundtrip for 46 dollar a day training, hoping to graduate and get the full 9 dollars per hour. The first thing I notice is I'm thin, and maybe slightly older than the average, but by far not the oldest, I'm on the more educated side and that isn't saying all that much, I don't have the same accent as most, I also notice the class is excrusiatingly regulated and boring, the 23 year old trainer chastised like she was a 4th grade teacher. She bragged all her clothes were from "Wal-Mart or Call-Mart," the latter being the company store, which offered discounts for good behavior.. I'm feeling tired and stiff everyday, I'm glad I have the 50 cents for the small coffee at the machine on breaks.

The whole place has a high school feel, but an upside down social scene. Lots of goth 18 year olds, some loner types seemingly on the edge, the eating type hanging around the 12 snack machines, some trailer types. The break room had that high school table clique thing going on, the popular kids being the goth types of all ages. Groups of loners banded together, you could see them evolving every night, taking on new nervous recruits, many of whom seem to have a crush on my young manager. Would have been a great place for an anthropological study if the fluorescent lights weren't so bad.

Early on I thought everyone there was into death metal, drugs, crime, night life etc. 40 or more overheard conversations like "once you enter the crypt, you pull out the light defragmenter and unsheath the sword of Chartonin and stab that fucker," later I realized that they were these introverted goth/metal gamers.

Soon I started "taking calls" from all around the country, helping people with internet problems. This had its high points, I'd paint a picture of each caller, a father from the Bronx joking with me about the Yankees as a kid screams in the background, a street talking guy from Jersey City who only wanted the internet back because "I gotsta get my bbc", the flirty housewives from California telling me how cute I sounded. It had its lowpoints, as you might imagine in your cubicle working the night shift with 300 of your best friends, one sided flights ringing across the room, employees spinning this loud "prize wheel" feet from your ear while you get yelled at by some disgruntled guy from Oregon, they always seemed to be from Oregon, or Virginia.

I befriended a 23 year old guy with a mohawk, tattoos, everpresent game boy, death metal band..etc. We started meeting in the Kroger parking lot and ride sharing for the nightly trek., during the several week span his car was stolen and found crashed by the highway on the other side of town, his tires were slashed, and then he got something in the mail and couldn't work. He was a really nice guy, my partner in the game..gamed for 12 hours straight he boasted. I remember clocking out one night and meeting him in the smoking area. I walk up and a guy is telling him something like "I'm a satanist but I'm not into the chanting thing, I'm more into the rituals." I look up and he's kind of this non descript chubby computer nerd/gamer wearing a t-shirt with a demon or something, onlookers nod in respectful approval.

I began to notice that I worked at this giant sinister call factory where satan worshipping game junkies talked to soccer moms in Massachusetts, I wonder if a serial killer is working tonight, on the phone to an upset internetless teenager in Florida ...I'm alienated, I don't understand the scene...they report to me about gaming for 20 hours straight on the weekend and then ask me what I did. They seemed like nice people and everything, seemed easily impressed by my lackluster activities, maybe it was the going outside part.

It wasn't long before I just had to quit. Its what you have to do in this type of situation, I didn't want to go on antidepressants or get sucked into some telegang. The guy with the mohawk stopped showing up weeks ago, the weather was getting colder, they were talking about promoting me etc.

I still miss those days of solitude hiding by the snack machine trying not to talk to anyone, trying desperatly to find an open computer so I could sign in and not get into trouble from my 19 year old boss, racking up "trouble points" for seemingly anything while simultaneously hearing rumors about how to get rid of them, the people who had been working there for 5 years telling their favorite fight stories with customers on cigarette breaks, how they kicked ass..the seniors, the tough seniors at the school.

If they had paid me that last paycheck I might even go back for my sophmore year.

Doing the Obvious......

2006-02-14T01:12:00.000-05:00

.

.....but I just can't resist.

White House Continues It's Retro Ways.

The first shooting by a sitting VP since Aaron Burr on July 11, 1804. One took place at the dueling grounds Weehawken, New Jersey...the other at a drive up quail hunting ranch in Texas. I'll let you match the correct VP with location. One had a pheasant sandwich for lunch, the other 4 hotdogs, a flat pepsi, and chili cheese fries.

Burr, who once accompanied Gen. Benedict Arnold's expedition into Canada, lost a governors race and blamed his loss on a personal smear campaign believed to have been orchestrated by his own party rivals, was charged with treason and aquitted due to lack of the constitutionally-required two witnesses, seems a man ahead of his time.

here's a brief summary of what we know so far:

VP Cheney, pictured here accepting a honorary rifle at an NRA award show, shoots a 78 year old man....

Cheney, an experienced hunter, has not been saying anything publicly at all about the accident Saturday, when he accidentally sprayed a hunting partner with shotgun pellets when aiming for a quail.

Meanwhile

WASHINGTON - The White House has decided that the best way to deal with Vice President
Dick Cheney' s shooting accident is to joke about it.

"I'm a little concerned that Dick Cheney is going to walk in," governor Jeb Bush cracked during an appearance in Tampa Monday. Jay Leno tells jokes, coworkers are annoying one another by repeating them etc.

....and where the stars at night are big and bright

CORPUS CHRISTI, Texas - The 78-year-old lawyer wounded by Vice President Dick Cheney in a hunting accident suffered a mild heart attack Tuesday after a shotgun pellet in his chest traveled to his heart, hospital officials said.

Perhaps the whitehouse can continue with the joke by heading over to the costume shop and then posing with the open coffin, like in trainrobber days.

I'd like to see Bush in a civil war uniform, congress back in wigs, supreme court justices dressed like Zeus....creationism being taught in schools, the germ theory questioned, the country reverting to feudal lordships.

The administration might really shine in a period piece.

The Bubbles That Ate my Brain

2006-02-13T02:14:00.000-05:00

If you force me to pick a favorite genre, I might just have to say seamless pop. The kind I could listen to over decades and still not get enough of the song.

It's a fragile art, often only achieved during phases of a life.

Can't think of a band that illustrates that better than the Beach Boys. A pinnacle is reached, and then an amusing downturn...without the luxury of a death or bitter breakup, you might end up headlining a minor league baseball game.

Some have aged gracefully, still showing flashes of these shiny days, when they wrote this slightly sad catchy, sometimes ragged sometines icy sharp music... but its always about those perfect recordings.

I like thinking about the time and place a song is written. Music to me is about making a capsule.

If it captures that sunny morning after being up all night, that person, that image....

when a perfect mix of a role and reality meet

I know this is a pretty vague definition.

You might think its a faded genre, but it's not really true. Its not driving past in a limo through 1970's LA.

from the gutter, a tropical beach, cheap apartment, a canyon, a nightmare, daydream, pharmaceutical, drunk, repentant, hiding out on the town.

Dated, frozen, still fresh. vintage

degenerating,

reminding you of a time in your life, coming from somewhere else.

but then I ask myself, does Tom Waits fit my definition....

and now I'm not sure what the hell I meant anymore.

My Inner Sex Cop

2006-02-12T21:10:00.000-05:00

For some reason, ever since I first laid eyes an her, I picture myself like Law & Order SVU star Mariska Hargitay. That is to say, I think I look and even talk like her. My wife doesn't think so, and has questioned my sexuality simply from the mention of it, but I assure you that I have no inner female yearning to emerge.

The truth may be that I look more like another cast member, Richard Belzer, but he doesn't give me the quick burst of self esteem that she does.

If I ever have a daughter, I believe I will name her Olivia, and she will be a chip off of the old block.

Dis-gentrification?

2006-02-12T18:19:00.000-05:00

Ever since I was a little kid I've been fascinated by urban decay (the condition, not the makeup brand.) I've always enjoyed a trip downtown in the cities of the east and midwest to see the layers peeling back and the reverse beauty revealed. Areas that many found depressing, I found completely engrossing.

When I moved away, my hometown hadn't heard of the word, with its vacant buildings and violence prone streets. A city that could have joined the renewal trend a little earlier.

Upon my arrival in Seattle I noticed many of my friends lived in the "Central District," an area traditionally known as a black area. The longer I lived there, the less blacks I noticed. It was like they were being deported to Tacoma.

The city didn't have enough grit to interest me. Its sparkling skyline and spotless streets left me cold. I remember thinking maybe I would like it better in the future, after it got a little dirtier. If I had a decay sprayer I would have coated the streets, an action that would have prompted the locals to poison me.

From travels to New York and elsewhere I've noticed the national scope of this trend. A cab driver in the 20 something infested Williamsburg, Brooklyn told me "my friend was killed over there, this used to be a warzone," highlighting the positive aspects of cleaning up.

Upon returning to my hometown, a place I like to call Value City, I realized that we do actually have some great old neighborhoods, a fact being ignored until the 90's rolled in. It's hard to argue against it in this case due to the fact that no one was getting kicked out, its still an affordable area. It also works to counterract the sprawl spreading off into the horizon on the outskirts of town by enouraging renovation in the central city, rather than strip mallification in the suburbs..

Sometimes moving into a renovated building can require some guts, for instance, in the case of the old Ohio mental hospital in Athens. This imposing hilltop structure once housed patients chained to the wall (many of whom died in a fire while restrained), a reknowned doctor pioneering a procedure called lobotomy, the human stain of a woman who died after being locked in the attic, and a cemetery with numbered tombstones arranged in a spiral pattern. When I attended college, this was a place to sneak into if you had the nerve. Now its been converted into university offices. I don't think working late is something I'd be doing in there.

Photo shoot through Detroit anyone?

War Substitution

2006-02-12T04:19:00.000-05:00

I'm afraid I won't be getting into the winter olympics this year. This is not yet a fact, but my current mood doesn't seem to agree with it. I'm not a hater of sports or the olympics, in fact I was even in attendance during the"miracle on ice" at the 1980 games...... well not the Russia game, but I got out of second grade for week to se the US vs Romania hockey match and some ski jumping, a fond memory. (dad, what are they drinking? thats Brandy, it keeps them warm.)

I guess I'm just not in the mood for the nationalism right now. I'm not immune to feeling some vibrations of pride during these events, but it feels more like some preprogrammed reaction coming from the lower brain stem, like something I should suppress along with eating uncooked mammoth leg.

Yes, I'm from the US, but I have a hard time rooting for "us" to win due to a predisposition for supporting the underdog. This first hit me during the "Dream Team" era. If I do happen to read the medal count, I'll be subconciously hoping for Slovakia to come out of nowhere and take it...then I'd have to hide my happiness or be branded a freedom hater.

Perhaps if the crowd boos the US team everytime they touch the puck I'll get into it, but theres that primal fever again... the same one that likely came up during the Roman empire's invasion of Gaul. I've got to control my mind, I can't let it tell me what to do.......but then again Canada is predicted to win hockey gold so technically the US is the longshot...no, must suppress.

Forming

2006-02-12T03:03:00.000-05:00

and it comes together seconds before launch..

This will be a place to..enjoy sarcasm and cynicism, to look at the brightside, to discuss art/music/film, to (how creative) discuss current events and personal misadventures, discuss travel, life, death, non-academic sociology..a place to not discuss the tax code, to simultaneosly tear down and reinforce stereotypes, to be dreamy/realistic, in short, an eclectic and evolving imitation world of contradiction

and we'll be doing it all at night.