Imaginary Shorts of the Day
I would make film shorts about these stories today, first the frantic criminals.
PALOS HEIGHTS, Ill. A bank robber in suburban Chicago is being called the "Harry Caray bandit."Police in Palos Heights say the man who robbed a bank on Wednesday wore big glasses reminiscent of the ones worn by the late Chicago Cubs announcer. He also sported a baseball cap, perhaps a wig, shoes like police officers wear, and a patch that said "Emergency" on one sleeve.
The man reportedly waited patiently in line at the bank and then handed a teller a note that said, "Do it in ten seconds."
Desperate housewife, addicted to Botox, aging ungracefully.
SCOTTSDALE - As many as three other Valley spas believe they were robbed in the past few years by the Botox Bandit who defrauded a Scottsdale business for $1,400 in facial-injection beauty treatments. The unidentified, middle-age woman used a fake name and bogus story before ditching the bill at a Scottsdale Fashion Square spa this month. In the March 14 incident the woman told dermatology staff her name was "Jamie Vons." She received injections of Restylane, similar to Botox, to her forehead and around her eyes. She disappeared after going to her car to retrieve her wallet.
A short about Tori Spelling seems an interesting idea. Recent events seem ready made for a satire. Celebrity decay is always intruiging.Tori Spelling has a new show and boobs to go with it!Tori Spelling is clearly on a downward spiral and we love it. Using maxed out credit cards, acting like a drunken tramp in public, her new fiance has a hideous tattoo of her face on his arm (and giant hickeys on his neck.) What's left, but to do a mockumentary that estranges her family and get bigger boobs!... So NoTORIous!premieres Sunday night, her new boobs have already made their debut.
http://cityrag.blogs.com/main/2006/03/tori_spelling_h.html
Another proud day for Tori Spelling, with her embarrassing drunken antics earning her separate stories in the New York Post and the New York Daily News. And in neither of those stories does she teach the world how to love or use daddies billions to donate ponies to orphans. Instead, the alleged female stumbled drunk through a couple of Kentucky Derby parties, casually losing huge diamond earrings and simulating oral on Usher.
http://idontlikeyouinthatway.com/ search for Tori Spelling
Two nights ago, she was holding up the line in front of me at the 3rd & La Brea Trader Joe's while she tore through her purse trying to find a credit card that wasn't maxed out. She kept pulling out different cards, and kept getting the same result – and then giggling and loudly wondering why she kept getting declined. http://worldofwonder.net/archives/2005/Oct/28/.wow
posted by Gary at 5:32 PM
1 Comments:
Love the Harry Caray bandit. I wonder if he slurs his speech when holding up the tellers as he ventures into a long non-sequitir that have nothing to do with the robbery. He may have lost his touch in the later years, but some of his tangents were hilarious. There was a pitcher named Jeff Pico that wasn't too good; whenever he'd come in from the bullpen, Harry would groan "Oh no, here comes Pico." And, like a lot of old men, he had a propensity to compliment a young man's looks in a completely non-sexual way. "You know Steve, that Mark Grace sure is a good looking guy. I bet he gets pussy all the time." (side note: his namesake restuarant in Chicago is actually pretty upscale, and pricey). But plenty of Heileman's Old Style on tap.
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