Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Deepest Days

When its hard to breathe, life is like a waking coma without a breeze, and the air is thick and weighs something.....

...a surreal wander through an old creepy town in the hills and a graveyard.

Hiding from the suns glare underneath a curious large tree sprouting over ancient headstones, broken and barely legible heaps some of them.

Where did that pipe come from, it just appeared

the silence makes a nice escape, and completes the daydream, until someone insists on yelling a murderers name 3 times while standing on his resting place...tempting whatever there is.

Heros and condemned men only a stones throw apart for generations and seasons upon a sleepy hill. What defining moment would I want on my marker? Maybe there is a reason this practice has fallen by the wayside.....I'm picturing "He was an Honor Student at Liberty Valley High School 2007 -2011, he went on to a lucrative and rewarding career in law.""

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Hiatus About to End

Sorry to all the adoring fans for the long wait, but Stanley has been concentrating on his music and getting his band ready for the summer/keeping his business going/visiting with relatives etc. Nothing to write about, so he hasn't.

He informs me that he may be posting again as soon as tonite, and has decided against deleting his blog, even though internet people sometimes get on his nerves, he admits to being one of them.

Thanks you for your time, more to come, a different angle perhaps, we doubt it.

His thought for the morning: "If you try to climb Mt. Everest, you just might die," and "Why the hell would I ride a motorcycle?"

Monday, May 01, 2006

Things I Learned on Vacation

People are nice in Alabama, and the air smelled like flowers. Staying in 2 million dollar condos at the beach in Florida is nice, and you'll fit right in....

and Michael McDonald should record this as his next double album, motherfuckers:

Doing What I can
Driving with Phil Mickelson
Casual Fridays
Dockers Blues
Dinner and a Movie
Drivin' the Speed Limit (to your love)
Bud Light on a Sunday
Strictly Business
Giving 'em what they Want
Chillin' at Chilis
Heatin' it Up
Just Reporting the Facts
I've got a PopSecret
I'd Like to French You (but we're not married yet)
2 Tickets Please
It Keeps You Regular

I Need to Work on my Short Game
As Is
Close on the Toast

and that's that. If you take offense to light rock parody, please exit and enjoy the sitcom Becker, which is likely on your plasma screen.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Pig's Lipstick

Now that Scott McClellan has resigned his post as white house marionette, we are pondering his bright future. We figure that if he could take on the insurmountable task of making shit seem like gold and fail, that he should be qualified to make shit seem like platinum.

1. Spokesman for Big Tobacco-Should be a walk in the park after what he's been through, after all, Cancer pales in comparison to impending religious wars.

2. Doctor - We could see him informing patients of their imminent death due to chronic lymphoma with a smile. He'll get them looking on the bright side.

3. EPA Spokesman - No one could make ozone loss, greenhouse gas emissions, and global warming sound so sexy...until another president comes into office and this department resumes PROTECTING the environment, then he will quit again.

4. Lawyer - This should probably be number 1, if he is able to argue for absolute madness, then he should continue defending the mad.

5. Ohio State University Athletics Director - No one could defend bribes and preferential treatment like he could, he fits in well with the "thinking they hit a home run when they were born on third base" crowd.

6. Junkie - In case he just wants to get a way from it all.

7. Campaign Manager for Kenneth Blackwell - He's worked for Bush, now how about the rising terror from Cincinnati threatening to take over the state. They probably already know each other through the Diebold voting machine scandal of 2004.

8. Wal Mart PR - Tell us why its good that these giant stores are destroying land all over America, and fueling the rise of China.

9. Campaign Manager for Hillary Clinton - Why not, is there really such a difference between this and his old job?

10. Wife of Jerry Fallwell - Maybe he wants to be taken care of for a change, like as a member of Jerry's gay harem. True he's a little old, but it might feel nice to be pampered.

11. WINNER - Pharmaceutical Industry Ad Reader - "May cause anal leakage, blood clotting, irritability, sexual side effects, green urine, leprosy, hair loss, hair gain, dialated pupils, death of the first born...."

Tuesday, April 18, 2006


If you thought UK football hooligans and Oakland Raider fans were bad, thank a higher power that you were not born during the age of the dinosaur....and some evangelicals probably do considering many believe the two co-existed 5,000 years ago, using their brilliant biblical interpretation of geology and paleontology. Too bad none of those types stumble across this blog to argue, for a few minutes, then they would have to go.

One of the biggest of the meat-eating dinosaurs may have hunted in packs, according to experts in Argentina.
At least seven T. rex-sized Mapusaurus roseae have been found together in the fossil-rich Patagonia region of the country.
A pack hunting strategy might have enabled the two-legged carnivore to overpower even bigger plant-eating sauropod dinosaurs.

Co-author Rodolfo Coria of the Carmen Funes Museum in Plaza Huincul, Argentina, said the dig showed evidence of social behaviour in Mapusaurus.
The excavation 24km (15 miles) south of Plaza Huincul found hundreds of bones from several Mapusaurs but none from any other creature. Dr Coria said the evidence suggested the animals were together before they died.

Philip Currie of the University of Alberta in Canada speculated that pack hunting could have allowed Mapusaurs to prey on the biggest known dinosaur, Argentinasaurus, a 37.5m-long (125ft) plant-eater.

Hard to imagine gangs of 41 foot long carnivores roving the very ground we walk on for some maybe, but I'm afraid one of those giant prehistoric sharks are going to swim towards me while I'm in the ocean. Sometimes a vivid imagination can be a liability, quite often actually.

Suddenly the modern world seems like Candyland.

Modern Tribal

Looks like Mr. Cruise is trying to appear human recently. He casually joked about eating his babies umbilical cord, playing it down, though not so convincingly. I have a feeling he will be at Katie Holmes bedside spooning in forkfulls of afterbirth. Then he will take a few bites and get a dreamy look in his eye, Katie will follow suit under pressure from the scientologist overlord taking in the whole scene to ensure Cruise does it right.

He also insisted that the "silent birth" was for the benefit of the mother, as if onlookers are the ones who generally scream during childbirth.


Cruise plays down 'placenta plan'

Cruise stars in Mission Impossible III, due out in May. Hollywood actor Tom Cruise has played down reports that he plans to eat the placenta of his new baby.
The War of the Worlds star was quoted in GQ magazine saying he thought the placenta and umbilical cord would be "very nutritious".
But in a subsequent interview with Diane Sawyer on US television, he made light of the comments.
"Yeah, we're going to do that - a whole family thing. Isn't that normal and natural? No, we're not eating it."

One point where agreement is reached between Night Planet and the best fighter pilot/race car driver/bartender/ladies man is on the subject of aliens, which he believes in. Not a surprise coming from a scientolgist I suppose, but I'm glad to have at least some common ground here.

Actor Tom Cruise has admitted that he believes in aliens, saying it would be "arrogant" to think that extra-terrestrial beings did not exist.
The War of the Worlds star told a German newspaper he did not believe humans were alone in the universe.
When asked by tabloid daily Bild whether that meant he believed in aliens, Cruise said: "Yes, of course."

Saturday, April 15, 2006


I try to imagine the feeling at this battlefield. One where bodies are still surfacing from almost 90 years ago, eroding out of the soil. Standing alone in a field where 3 major battles have raged, a field where hundreds of thousands died, or are still missing under the farmer's crops, an Archaeologist's goldmine, and a place where past sorrow hangs in the fog by the North Sea in Ypres, Belgium .
  • Ghosts of Ypres Past

  • Nearly 90 years after the guns fell silent, the mud of Flanders is still giving up its secrets.
    This week, in a farmer's field near Ypres, a group of amateur historians found the remains of three soldiers from the First World War.

    Two of the bodies bore no identification, although one still had half its uniform, as well as a spoon, fork and a bayonet.

    On the third, the historians found an identification tag. The chain had been broken and the tag pushed forward into the skull, probably by a farmer's plough passing over it.

    The tag was badly corroded, but they were able to decipher a number, 8372, and a surname, Lancaster. They also found a cap badge and shoulder titles.

    Such finds are not uncommon, although identifications are rare. The battlefields around the Ypres Salient covered 25 square kilometres. More than 250,000 British and Commonwealth soldiers died there in three major battles. Around 90,000 are officially missing.

    In this time where ground invasions are on governmental lips, it's interesting to think to earlier, massive ground campaigns, before missiles and sterile precision air strikes. Where the soldiers dug in and tried to hold their ground...where a generation of 19 through 21 year olds sank into the dirt and were swallowed by the trenches, only to resurface 90 years or more later.

    I don't think potential invasions were talked about as lightly back in those days, when you had to wait till you saw the whites of his eyes.

    Our tendencies revolve around the circle of history to slam us in the face every so often, we have no escape, locked inside the human mind, half alien half ape...or choose what you would like to mix with primate. It gets me thinking about how the Earth is a closed system, a bubble keeping all the energy inside, the ground we walk on compiling memories.

    The biggest Commonwealth war cemetery in the world is at Tyne Cot, near the site of the Third Battle of Ypres (1917), also known as Passchendaele.

    There are 12,000 headstones there: some with names, some without. The names of the missing are carved on a wall at the back. The wind whistles in off the North Sea. The clouds hang low over the land.

    Thursday, April 13, 2006

    Sounds Still Floating Through Space

    On this summery afternoon when work is done, I'm finding the time to give some love to some of the best bands I've had the privelege to play shows with. Considering that would be the longest column in history, we'll have to break it up:

    Brainiac - My neighbor was Jon Schmersal, college student, musician, 2 months later he was Jon on the table of contents page of Spin magazine, a giant photo of him with his shirt off on a motel bed as the background. Played my first real show ever with them in an improv/makeshift instrument band called Disco Teen 66 in the early 90's. This was before Brainiac broke big, and they did during their brief existence.

    I recall the surreal moment I was carrying my guitar and some buckets to beat on into the band room early and saw them warming up, so together and fresh sounding, I remember the intimidation...we really weren't worthy at that point. Had the pleasure of playing with this often overlooked classic 90's outfit several times after that with another band . Always wanted to be sharp playing with these guys, they were the true leaders of the avant guarde of that era, looking back.

    The last time I saw singer Tim Taylor he was walking away from a house party after they played. They were being courted by Interscope records, and a rep was with them, trying to persuade them to leave Touch and Go for the majors. I stood on the porch, the last still about, he looked back at me and said "someone's still awake" and walked down the street. He was dead in a car wreck maybe 2 weeks later, an event that has entered Ohio music folklore, electric.

    Thinking Fellers Union Local 282 - Had the pleasure of playing with the kings of quirk from San Francisco in Athens, Ohio around 1995. Was blown away that they were watching me play. Seeing them trying to cram all of their members and gear onto the small stage was impressive, a stripped down straight ahead show compared to other times I saw them. Nice people as I can recall through the mid 90's haze...everyone was there.

    The Ponys - I can't get enough of this Chicago band lately, great spring music. The Television-esque vocals and rich bright guitars suck me right into the seemless songs. Little perfect bubbles, no fat. Played with them a few years back in Columbus, OH with the almighty Guinea Worms. More albums and shows please.

    Sports Seizure

    Kara Yorio of the sporting news predicts that Carolina will win the Stanley Cup this year.

    As these words hit the page, there still are regular-season games to be played, playoff spots and seeds to be decided and home-ice advantage to be won. But that won't stop us from picking a Stanley Cup champion here and now.

    Possible tough first-round matchups aside, injury status uncertain, we're going to go boldly into the unknown: It will be the Hurricanes

    The team with the least interest in their own city taking it all. There is no question they are a talented team, Eric Staal etc, but somehow I don't see them surviving the Eastern Conference finals, let alone winning it all, but it's possible.

    I have a feeling about the New York Rangers, not sure why. In the new salary capped NHL I don't mind the Rangers, when they were my most hated in seasons past, with their goonish ways and NY Yankees style salary. I think they can beat both Carolina and a seemingly sluggish Ottawa team of late, hard to say though, I could see any of the 3 going to the finals, or a number of other teams. I love hockey, the most unpredictable sport in so many ways... and its rejuvenated and harder to bet 100 dollars on than ever.

    If they do get to the finals, I'd expect them to play Detroit or Dallas, but I wouldn't bet on it. I had thought a battle of the mountains, Nashville vs. Carolina final was possible. That seems unlikely now that they have lost goailie Tomas Vokoun. Vancouver Canucks don't look to even make the playoffs. I think everyone considered them contenders for the finals this year. I'm not feeling sorry for them.

    My beloved Blue Jackets will match their season high in points, set the very first season of their existence, and next year they will be predicted as a playoff team, finally. It's been nice seeing the dramatic improvements since January. Finally they young and skilled team is going to put it together. I've actually watched a few games and felt able to enjoy them sitting back in my seat. An unfamiliar feeling of stability with the team, it lets me get more drunk. Let the chronic Ohio underdogs rise to the top.

    Cleveland Indians, so far so good. Looking solid as an iron girder.

    Monday, April 10, 2006

    806,400,000,000,000.01 ringgit

    My forwarding of a "phishing" e-mail to Pay Pal today set the theme, and as taxes approach for me the procrastinator, money is in mind.

    Combining money and scams, they go together like chocolate and peanut butter. In fact, I don't think you can have a scam without money involved by definition. The precious life sustaining paper that we desperately need to live, coming from the gigs we worry about keeping even if we don't care for them. One glitch, or the right numbers getting into the wrong hands, and its gone.

    Being billed for the debt of the entire world is a rare glitch, or perfect scam by a supervillain out of some comic book/show/movie series that I don't follow, but that's exactly what has happened to the worlds most unlucky man..... that has not been killed or injured severely.

    KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia (AP) -- A Malaysian man said he nearly fainted when he recieved a $218 trillion phone bill and was ordered to pay up within 10 days or face prosecution, a newspaper reported Monday.

    Yahaya Wahab said he disconnected his late father's phone line in January after he died and settled the 84 ringgit ($23) bill, the New Straits Times reported.

    But Telekom Malaysia later sent him a 806,400,000,000,000.01 ringgit ($218 trillion) bill for recent telephone calls along with orders to settle within 10 days or face legal proceedings, the newspaper reported.

    It wasn't clear whether the bill was a mistake, or if Yahaya's father's phone line was used illegally after after his death.

    "If the company wants to seek legal action as mentioned in the letter, I'm ready to face it,"

    If you are wondering what this ridden nations debt is today:

    $8,401,929,176,271.43 8.4 Trillion

    The estimated population of the United States is 299,015,530 so each citizen's share of this debt is $28,098.64.

    The National Debt has continued to increase an average of $2.44 billion per day since September 30, 2005!

    Suddenly my credit card debt doesn't seem so bad. Further proof that phone companies are pure evil. Something I learned when I mistakenly had an operator connect me to a phone number in Europe years ago.

    Friday, April 07, 2006

    Diminishing Returns

    Who will play Vittorio Gassman's role?

    Breaking news out of Hollywoodland, the studios are still lacking creative decision making, opting instead for remaking both classics, camp, and random early 80's movies, like the upcoming "Sharky's Machine." Music Video director, Phil Joanou (U2's 'One,'Rattle and Hum, the upcoming Gridiron Gang starring the Rock, "3rd Rock from the Sun" (1996) TV Series (episode "A Nightmare on Dick Street") etc.)

    Phil Joanou is attached to direct Warner Bros. Pictures' remake of "Sharky's Machine," being produced by Basil Iwanyk. The original movie, released in 1981, was directed by and starred Burt Reynolds as Sgt. Tom Sharky, a vice cop who puts together a team to hunt down a group of brutal bad guys

    This trend is not a new one, and has become common knowledge at this point. What would the Warner brothers, Jack, Sam, Harry & Albert, say if they saw their factory remaking movies it already owns? And ones that were no blockbusters to begin with, and feature length camp TV shows, Jurassic Park 4 and well...Burt Reynolds movies?

    They would probably not agree, from what I gather. I'd imagine someone would get punched, or fired, or killed even, probably not one of them, if they we alive, that is. There can be no doubt that there was a golden age, and it's in the past.

    Remakes of the "Wild Bunch" and "Dirty Dozen" are also in the works. While these are a few years off, I'm not counting down the days. Films should be remade when the can be improved upon, and that is a rare thing. "Psycho," "the Shining" with the guy from the TV series "Wings"? "Starsky and Hutch," "Scooby Doo," please don't give me movie theater gift certficates for my birthday, I've got a stack of them building up over here. In 1989, Warner Communications merged with Time, Inc. in an $18 Billion merger that created one of the largest communications and entertainment companies in the world.

    Still loving some comic book come to life movies, the odd indie film, and liking the occasional studio release, although often not in the same way as those in days gone by,.

    I could use a new Wes Anderson movie, although it seems he is working on the Fantastic Mr. Fox, the Roald Dahl novel.

    Fantastic Mr. Fox is on the run! The three meanest farmers around are out to get him. Fat Boggis, squat Bunce, and skinny Bean have joined forces, and they have Mr. Fox and his family surrounded. What they don’t know is that they’re not dealing with just any fox–Mr. Fox would never surrender. But only the most fantastic plan ever can save him now.

    Art School Confidential's upcoming release will help me shorten that stack of coupons.

    The theme of the day is take some chances, let some hungry talent in. There are new stories to be told, no?

    Leave your own material alone, the good and bad.

    Workaholics' Workaholic

    Regardless of your opinion of Steven Spielberg, and you probably like him more than I do, this sounds like a good idea. The overpraised one is creating a reality show, which I'm no fan of, especially not American Idol, which this resembles:

    He is teaming with reality mastermind Mark Burnett for On the Lot, an American Idol-meets-The Apprentice-style Fox reality series that aims to find the next, well, Steven Spielberg.

    16 finalists will be divided into two teams and each group has to produce (and write, and direct, and cast…) a short film each week.

    Fox says that the contestants will be forced to deal with the pitfalls that any major player could face--creative differences, budgetary problems, deadlines, etc.--but that they will also have access to some high-caliber perks, such as the opportunity to collaborate with Industry insiders and big-name celebs.

    On the Lot will unfold over two nights a week, with night number one featuring an hourlong "film premiere" episode to screen the teams' work, which will tackle a different genre each week. Night number two (now, where have we heard this one before) will be the "box office" results show. A team of judges will be on hand, but it will be viewers' votes.

    It's the viewers votes, and the fear that everyone will go Spielberg to try to impress him that make me skeptical, but the concept seems good. Let's just hope that film directing's equivalent of Kelly Clarkson isn't unleashed on the world, and based on the average voters taste this appears likely. It would be a nice vehicle for unheard of actors to get a start, but somehow I'm thinking there will be a lot of knowns. I'm doubting the next David Lynch or Igmar Bergman will get the breaks here, but the guy who will go on to direct Scary Movie 7 might.

    I'm hoping Spielberg's contact with the show will be limited, which seems definite when you look at the list of his projects going on around now:

    The Talisman (2007) (in production) (executive producer)
    Untitled Ukrainian Holocaust Project (2007) (executive producer)
    "The Pacific War" (2006) (mini) TV Series (executive producer)
    Transformers: The Movie(2007) (pre-production) (executive producer)
    "Nine Lives"(2007) TV Series (pre-production) (executive producer)
    Abraham Lincoln Project (2007) (pre-production) (producer)
    Jurassic Park IV (2008) (pre-production) (executive producer)
    When Worlds Collide (2006) (pre-production) (producer)
    Red Sun, Black Sand (2007) (filming) (producer)
    Disturbia (2007) (filming) (executive producer)
    Flags of Our Fathers (2006) (post-production) (producer)
    Monster House (2006) (post-production) (executive producer)

    Jurassic Park 4?! Quality over quantity Steven, come on now. It also appears that we can expect more world war 2 epics, which does not surprise this writer, let me guess, they will be reverent in nature?

    Let some fresh players have some time in the game here. Take a vacation already.

    Thursday, April 06, 2006


    The Thin Line

    I guess we can expect Eminem to come out of "retirement" at age 33 now that his muse has come back, meaning his wife will be his ex-wife again. One can only guess at how many albums this event, along with sharing custody of his daughter Hailie could fuel. I'll guess 3 more.

    Night Planet admits to liking some of Eminem's work, especially the stuff he did with Dr. Dre and on the 'Up in Smoke" tour, but I've got to really doubt his sanity here (I know, I'm the last one to do it.) He has a hideous relationship to an apparantly vile woman, divorces her and stays that way for 5 years, during which he raps about wanting to kill her and also about actually killing her, then marries her again for 3 months, then files for divorce?

    Either this is the best way to jump start his career (like it needs it) or he somehow forgot his own lyrics. I'm erratic sometimes too, but I've never actually wanted back in a relationship I ended through divorce myself, I don't think. Especially after shouting to the world something like "Now shut the fuck up and get what's comin to you. You were supposed to love me{*Kim choking*}NOW BLEED! BITCH BLEED!BLEED! BITCH BLEED! BLEED!"

    But then again, would you take someone back after simulating your death to the world? Were they both in this together?

    I cannot read the following paragraph without hearing Mr. EM rapping.

    "There has been a breakdown in the marriage relationship to the extent that the objects of matrimony have been destroyed and there remains no reasonable likelihood that the marriage can be preserved," according to the filing, which was made in Macomb County on Wednesday on behalf of Marshall Bruce Mathers III, Eminem's real name.

    Is it possible that Eminem is "Emo-Rap?" I was starting to get that feeling after hearing his later material."I'm sorry mama...." etc.

    As long as he doesn't reconcile with his mom and reach an amicable agreement with Kim over custody of Hailie, I think we can expect to hear all about it on the stereo, although in this erratic mood, maybe he'll come back as a Christian rapper, or modern country fusionist. As long as he lives in the same town as Kid Rock, he'll never be the most overrated Detroit artist, that I will stand by no matter what wicked turn his musical vision may take.

    Tuesday, April 04, 2006


    I can't enough of rust and decay, especially on a sunny day. But I won't stand in anyones way who wishes to do something other than building a strip mall over it.

    I ran across this thorough collection of documented ruin from posters around the world.http://community.livejournal.com/urban_decay/
    which was in itself a find. The abandoned theater in an insane asylum stood out at first glance.

    I also learned of a group called "the Heidelburg Project" that has been transforming a street of abandoned homes and outdoor areas on Heidelburg street in Detroit into colorful weirdness, turning desolation into a surreal carnival with a positive message. It seems a perfect thing to do with an inner city in the heart of the rust belt , a city of endless abandonment, rotting factories, and high unemployment. They have existed for 20 years, but somehow I've not heard of them before.

    The group has had it's skirmishes with the city government, and has had more than a few houses/installations torn down, but they continue, while expanding their scope to include helping children of the area stay occupied. They have purchased more property, ensuring that the mission to give magic mushrooms to rundown buildings will live on. They have also expanded into other cities.

    A current project includes covering an entire house in pennies, and using it as a youth center. Kids from all over Michigan are helping out. Just a positive idea, nice to read about.http://www.heidelberg.org/

    It's not the LSD in your drink, it's just the Heidelburg project.

    Tyree Guyton works on The Heidelberg Project every day with the children on the block. He and director, Jenenne Whitfield, give lectures and workshops around the country, but the main goal is to develop The Heidelberg Project into the city's first indoor and outdoor museum; complete with an artist colony, creative art center, community garden, amphitheater, and more.

    Drive the full length of Heidelberg Street and you'll see what the future holds without the Heidelberg Project. At one end it's burned out houses, lots with waist-high weeds, rubble, rubbish, no people in sight. Drive on. Suddenly, there's color and energy.

    (Fun House, pictured left, was torn down in 1991)

    The Heidelberg Project has transformed a hard-core inner city neighborhood where people were afraid to walk, even in daytime, into one in which neighbors take pride and where visitors are many and welcome. The success of the Project continues to provide hope and inspiration.

    A 1988 Interview with founder Tyree Guyton about the first installation, on the street he grew up on:

    "See that house over there? That was a crack house...After the first three police raids, it opened right up again. After the fourth raid we couldn't stand it anymore. So we went over and painted the place. Pink, blue, yellow, white and purple dots and squared all over it. Up there on the roof we stuck a baby doll and that bright blue inner tube, and on the porch we put a doghouse with a watchdog inside...Now all day long people drive by and stop to stare at the place...Believe me, in front of an audience like that, nobody's going to sell crack out of that house anymore.".

    Sunday, April 02, 2006

    I Still Don't Know What Time It Is

    At least something has been clarified today, when it comes to the "what time is it in Indiana" question that is. A place harder to set a watch in than the jungles of the deep Amazon.

    Seems the state decided to follow daylight savings time this year, which takes away some of the confusion anyway, maybe. What time zone is it in?

    Many Indiana residents have never changed their clocks. Under state law, most of Indiana has ignored daylight-saving time since the early 1970s.
    The result has been a patchwork of time zones, with 77 counties observing Eastern time but not changing clocks; five on Eastern time unofficially observing daylight-saving time; and 10 on Central time that observed daylight-saving time.

    But the shift to daylight savings time, coupled with a U.S. Transportation Department decision allowing eight of the state's 92 counties to change to the Central time zone, has left many in this state confused and uneasy.

    So they are a no-mans land between the eastern and central times, I'm picturing hordes of bandits, Genghis Khan. I guess you could always find a place that's open to get beer there, if you wanted to.

    I think it says someting about a state when they are expending this much energy trying to figure out what time it is. When do they tackle the tougher issues, even if they had the time, they would have trouble figuring out what time the meeting is, as it seems to vary by which side of the street the building is on.

    The Indianapolis 500 changed its start time to 1 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time, but tickets mailed for the race say it begins at noon Eastern Standard Time. And businesses statewide are scrambling to reset computer clocks, which had been specially programmed for "Indiana time."

    This is like Indiana's y2k.

    Instead of resolving the matter, the vote created a new debate over which time zone Indiana should observe. Eighteen counties asked the Transportation Department to put them in the Central time zone to be aligned with Chicago. The government granted the requests for eight counties, putting a total of 18 on Central time and 74 on Eastern. In Pulaski County, the switch to Central might be in name only.

    Starting next week, it is changing the work hours for most county employees from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. EST to 7 a.m. to 4 p.m. CDT. Others in the county, such as Pulaski Memorial Hospital, plan to observe Eastern time.

    Ok, now you're killing me, really. Get over to central time, you're off the team. I'll simply pass through on my way to Chicago, I'm not good enough at math to risk stopping. Besides, is there some type of confusing exchange rate, like a dollar = 1.327 I-dollars.

    Might there be two, or more Indianas in the future?

    Saturday, April 01, 2006

    Show Within a Show Within a.......

    Who are these television commentators who discuss "101 Celebrity Oops" and say, the year 1996? How are they able to judge anything a celebrity does, while they are apparantly in the same game, but not doing so well. The world appears too full of comedians. Is comedy becoming like dentistry, a flooded market?

    I would like to do a show with other no name personalities making fun of the commentators who are musing about the celebrities. Maybe a version with celebrities turning the tables, or on the public in general, random people being trashed for wearing outfits that cost under 400 dollars, or going to work at the office building or grocery store. I bet the masochistic viewing audience would be sucked in, watching their own kind being ridiculed by Tom Cruise and company.

    Of course the most satisfying would be to see the a-listers trash the d listers that have found careers on these shows. A simple appearance on one episode might put a glamour career at risk, agents would be adamantly against it.

    Among the commentators appearing as themselves, are Doug Llewelyn, the guy who interviewed the winners and losers at the end of "the People's Court," Jimmy Pardo, a guy who was once on "Becker" the least interesting show ever created, and Bill Dwyer, who you might remember as the color commentator from "Extreme Dodgeball" or as the color commentator from "Battle Bots," still not ringing a bell? He played the role of "Toddorbert Guzinsky" in "Ski School 2." Anything?

    Surely you'll remember him from "I Love the 80's 3-D," "I love the 90's,""I love the 90's part deux," "101 Best SNL Moments,"" I Love the 80's Strikes Back," and don't forget "I Love the 70's."

    When a Weird Al Yankovic or a Henry Winkler makes an appearance, at least they stand out from the let's see, the Kristen Veitchs and Regan Burns of the world. Playing "the Fonz" or writing "Eat It" gives you enough clout to comment.


    The most enjoyable photo collection I've seen today is this celebrities as kids page.http://www.ezprezzo.com/crazypics/celeb-kids.html

    A childhood photo reveals more about the true person than the average interview ever could. It's got me leaning towards pre-destination in the great free-will debate. Even when we think we have it, its all laid out.

    I don't think it's just hindsight, their future is written all over their faces, In many cases anyway. If it's not as predictable as you think.you can understand how they ended up where they did, with the image they strive to sell. Society limited choice perhaps. There are ones that are very telling, like the Jean-Claude Van Damme. I now understand his need to appear like a gladiator.

    Bjork looks like a holy woman already after so few years on Earth. There must be some alien intervention in human evolution, not for everyone, but I can see it here. She is clearly the messiah from the land of ice and hot springs.

    Didn't I know this kid in elementary school? I think we had the same haricut. Hanging out on the fringes of the class while the teacher read. Well meaning, but ridiculed. The one who got into comics, 7 inches, and Black Sabbath in high school. Similar to a Van Damme situation, although with far better results..

    I've chosen all musicians, but I think Julia Roberts may have been in one of my classes, in a tiny window of the class photo. The big smile already leading her towards destiny.

    There are photos that aren't surprising, but confirmatory, like say, Keanu Reeves. It's satifying when it lands right where it fell.

    I've learned that you truly can spot evil at birth. I offer up Phil Collins. His sinister musical intentions were well developed by age 12. I can see the wicked synth fueled hatred in his eyes, as he dreams of realeasing "Sussudio" and "One More Night" on an unsuspecting world, a one two punch, drivers fall asleep and drive off the road. He quickly takes FM radio, likely ushering in the era of Clear Channel. The Desert Fox glides with a studio sheen.

    He's another one who may have been conceived during an alien abduction, although certainly on the opposite program from Bjork. Maybe met Demi Moore but doesn't remember, of course. No photos documenting the two in the same room have surfaced, although the one of Demi alone is worth the electricity.

    It looks like George Clooney and Tom Hanks were destined to be best friends, maybe Bruce Willis too. They are, aren't they, part of the a-list club, hot tubbing down the highway. Did they grow up in the same neighborhood, drive the same model Firebird? They may have gone to my high school too.

    Friday, March 31, 2006

    High on Surgery

    In keeping with the plastic surgery vibe of the day, I am envisioning a future filled with a real life zombie. Botox junkies who get back alley injections, and paralyzed faces rotting off with infection.

    This new addiction might take down an uptown woman faster than cocaine or shopping ever could. Maybe we'll see hookers shooting up bathtub botox alongside the traditional heroin and crack addicts. Wives of prominent surgeons and former magazine moguls reaching common ground with the riff raff, altering their bodies alongside those altering their minds.

    The hordes of expensive lepers will march down the fashionable avenues of your town, reading all reactions of those who pass, wondering if they've noticed the latest dose. Michael Jackson their fearless leader, their spiritual guide enticing them to the scalpel and the needle sterilized with a lighter's flame, if thats all thats available.

    NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Recent reports of "bogus Botox" injections that resulted in the deaths of several women has prompted the American Society for Dermatologic Surgery (ASDS) to issue a statement warning the public against seeking cosmetic treatments from non-physicians.

    "Never have any injections done unless it's in a reputable physician's office, because it's unsafe," Dr. Rhoda Narins, past president of ASDS, told Reuters Health.

    During the 2000 World Congress in Cosmetic Dermatology, Dr. Edileia Bagatin, from the Federal University of Sao Paulo, warned that inappropriate use of the toxin can result in severe facial paralysis and deformity.

    There are going to be some pretty surprised fathers in the future, wondering where their kid came from, those eyes, those lips, that nose. With further medical research, there will be no telling who you are with.

    Imaginary Shorts of the Day

    I would make film shorts about these stories today, first the frantic criminals.

    PALOS HEIGHTS, Ill. A bank robber in suburban Chicago is being called the "Harry Caray bandit."Police in Palos Heights say the man who robbed a bank on Wednesday wore big glasses reminiscent of the ones worn by the late Chicago Cubs announcer. He also sported a baseball cap, perhaps a wig, shoes like police officers wear, and a patch that said "Emergency" on one sleeve.

    The man reportedly waited patiently in line at the bank and then handed a teller a note that said, "Do it in ten seconds."

    Desperate housewife, addicted to Botox, aging ungracefully.

    SCOTTSDALE - As many as three other Valley spas believe they were robbed in the past few years by the Botox Bandit who defrauded a Scottsdale business for $1,400 in facial-injection beauty treatments. The unidentified, middle-age woman used a fake name and bogus story before ditching the bill at a Scottsdale Fashion Square spa this month.

    In the March 14 incident the woman told dermatology staff her name was "Jamie Vons." She received injections of Restylane, similar to Botox, to her forehead and around her eyes. She disappeared after going to her car to retrieve her wallet.

    A short about Tori Spelling seems an interesting idea. Recent events seem ready made for a satire. Celebrity decay is always intruiging.

    Tori Spelling has a new show and boobs to go with it!Tori Spelling is clearly on a downward spiral and we love it. Using maxed out credit cards, acting like a drunken tramp in public, her new fiance has a hideous tattoo of her face on his arm (and giant hickeys on his neck.) What's left, but to do a mockumentary that estranges her family and get bigger boobs!... So NoTORIous!premieres Sunday night, her new boobs have already made their debut.

    Another proud day for Tori Spelling, with her embarrassing drunken antics earning her separate stories in the New York Post and the New York Daily News. And in neither of those stories does she teach the world how to love or use daddies billions to donate ponies to orphans. Instead, the alleged female stumbled drunk through a couple of Kentucky Derby parties, casually losing huge diamond earrings and simulating oral on Usher.
    http://idontlikeyouinthatway.com/ search for Tori Spelling

    Two nights ago, she was holding up the line in front of me at the 3rd & La Brea Trader Joe's while she tore through her purse trying to find a credit card that wasn't maxed out. She kept pulling out different cards, and kept getting the same result – and then giggling and loudly wondering why she kept getting declined. http://worldofwonder.net/archives/2005/Oct/28/.wow

    Tuesday, March 28, 2006

    Special: Tortured Hunan Feline and Rice

    When Dog Eating is Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Eat Dog Meat

    Further restrictions in China, and although I have very few Chinese readers, I want to console you regarding the crack down on dog and cat eating going on your country right now. This should be especially unjust and cruel to the people of Guangzhou, the "dog and cat eating capital of Asia," and therefore the world, I would think.

    An apparant groundswelling of outrage is occurring, and for some reason they are allowing the people to speak.

    The first China Companion Animal Symposium took place this March in Guangzhou - the dog and cat eating capital of Asia. This historic advancement in Chinese animal welfare also saw the call for an outright ban on the century’s old practice of dog and cat eating.

    Millions of dogs and cats are slaughtered for consumption in China annually. Many suffer deliberate, horrific abuse in the mistaken belief that ‘torture equals taste’. A gaping hole in the law leaves them with no protection.

    I'm hoping this practice was banned elswhere in the world years ago right. Like In San Francisco's chinatown. or say, the local 1 dollar per entree place, well all 4 within five minutes of me....right? And here I'd blissfully thought this was mostly an urban legend.

    When it comes down to it, it's the cat that throws me off the most. Cat meat, there can't be much, and it sounds, dusty or something, gritty like kitty liiter. The article does mention this ban will be targeting restaurants, so perhaps the chefs know how to cook it just right, with the spices and everything. A catnip garnish might be nice.

    At the fancier places, I bet the customer can choose a live cat, and the cook beats and electrocutes it to death right at your table for cooking. A fine selection of various forms of torture to choose from is sure to be available to the elite, who casually critique the effects on taste. "This cat was hanged till near death, then drowned, one can tell by the sweet aftertaste." "I prefer half smashed head with pins"

    Trip to Guangzhou before the golden age ends anyone? Think of it like an imminent crackdown in Amsterdam. You'd want that last puff, or sinewy bite, as it is, before the practice is driven underground

    Monday, March 27, 2006

    Ghosts in Costume

    There's one house in Seattle that should be considered uninhabitable now. The latest killing spree has hit me as one of the most striking crimes in some time. For some reason I can visualize the scene too well, partying ravers dressed as the undead in a house party at dawn, a shooter entering, drugs blurring reality. Stunning.

    Having lived nearby that neighborhood some time ago, it's not something one would consider there. Overdoses yes, many, but not mass killings. This goes down as a mystery, considering the man blew his head off when confronted by officers. More folklore for an eerie region. It even has the perfect name, “the Seattle Zombie Rave Party Killings.” Hollywood couldn’t have thought that up, probably not even during the 1980's.

    Perhaps this will be used in an anti drug campaign somewhere, even though they may have had nothing to do with this. Surely lessons can be learned, considering two of the 6 dead were Melissa Lynn Moore, age14 ,and Suzanne Thorne, age 15. A make believe nightmare come to life.

    I did attend a few raves in Seattle. At age 25 I felt like an old man. The average age was probably 18, many younger. 14 year old girls dressed in fairy wings surrounded by people flying on ecstasy, probably not something a parent should allow..and especially not an after party till the sun is back up again, but who am I kidding, the parents didn't know.

    If ghosts do exist, I'm certain the imprints are left by this night gone way wrong. The images of a tragedy replaying.

    SEATTLE - The young man who killed six people at a house party over the weekend had brought three guns, more than 300 rounds of ammunition, a baseball bat and a black machete, and told guests as he blazed away, "There's plenty for everyone," authorities said Monday.

    Police said the victims, many of them dressed up as zombies in black with white face paint, had met Huff earlier in the night at a rave called "Better Off Undead" and invited him to a party at their rented home.

    Aaron Kyle Huff, 28, left the party at about 7 a.m. and returned wearing bandoliers of ammunition and carrying a 12-gauge pistol-grip shotgun and a handgun. As he walked back to the party, Huff used spray paint to write "NOW" on the sidewalk and a neighbors' stairs, police said. He killed two people on the front steps, then killed three more people in the living room and went looking for more victims, police said.

    He tried to enter a locked bathroom, jiggled the handle and fired a few rounds through the door, missing a frightened couple.

    Sunday, March 26, 2006

    Shelters from the Storm

    Growing weary of increasingly hardline religious factions and literalists? Had enough of unsolicited sermons and/or missionaries? If so, you may want to consider moving to one of the top 10 countries with the highest percentages of atheists and agnostics. Looks like northern/central Europe and Asia are safe bets for those tired of picketed abortion clinics, mega churches, suicide bombers, and door to door Jehovah's Witnesses.

    atheist & agnostic % of population/total number

    Sweden: 46 - 85% /4,133,560 - 7,638,100
    Vietnam: 81%/ 66,978,900
    Denmark: 43 - 80%/ 2,327,590 - 4,330,400
    Norway: 31 - 72% /1,418,250 - 3,294,000
    Japan: 64 - 65% /81,493,120 - 82,766,450
    Czech Republic: 54 - 61%/ 5,328,940 - 6,250,121
    Finland: 28 - 60% /1,460,200 - 3,129,000
    France: 43 - 54%/ 25,982,320 - 32,628,960
    South Korea: 30 - 52% /14,579,400 - 25,270,960
    Estonia: 49%/ 657,580

    If you are wondering where the United States stands, it's way down in position 44, between Portugal and Albania at just 3-9%.http://www.adherents.com/largecom/com_atheist.html

    Hardly a surprise to any who reside here, I would imagine. Quite apparant in the current political climate. A survey of car bumper stickers alone would be telling.

    Modern Worlds

    I think Shanghai gets my vote as most modern looking city, in what I've learned is a contintent of otherwordly architecture by viewing the top 15 skylines in the world. http://www.diserio.com/top15-skylines.html

    Hong Kong appears a close second, along with Kuala Lumpur. But New York still ranks in there as one of my favorites. I've got some travelling to do, and associated money to make.

    Friday, March 24, 2006

    Cardboard Jungle

    "Once, long ago, this was the choicest part of the city. Silent-movie stars,and presidents stayed in hotels like the Alexandria, with its opulent staircases and marble walls...." -C. Le Duff, NY Times

    The act of dumping criminals from other towns into downtown Los Angeles' skid row, a large chunk of the east side of downtown made up of mainly abandoned art deco office buildings, flop house hotels, and abandoned theaters, has taken a new turn.

    (AP) LOS ANGELES A video camera has recorded a 63-year-old hospital patient dressed only in a gown and slippers being dumped onto a street in Los Angeles' downtown skid row.Officials from Kaiser Permanente's Bellflower hospital apologized for the Monday incident. Monday's incident was recorded by a camera mounted outside the downtown Union Rescue Mission.

    It shows a taxicab making a U-turn and driving out of camera view.Moments later, a woman appears from the direction of the cab, wandering for about three minutes on a street and a sidewalk before mission staff take her inside the building.

    This area, known as "the Nickel," is one of the most interesting places I've seen in the USA. Not to sound numb to the stark realities, but I even showed it to my brother and friends when they visited, a must see in my eyes, and not like a trip to the zoo, simply as an ethnographic exploration of urban decay.

    It's been immoritlized in song by my favorite LA homegrown star, Tom Waits, and has become a hot topic of late. What to do with the Nickel, should there be a sweep of the estimated 10,000 to 15,000 homeless, should the area be gentrified? As it stands, the residents are not allowed to set up their carboard shelters until 5 pm, when the few offices that are occupied in this area empty out.

    In another life, when I was a gopher in the entertainment industry, I remember delivering packages in the Nickel. Sometimes I would enter what appeared like an abandoned building, go up to the 7th floor, and find one occupied office with a 30 something guy in there waiting for me.

    When I left, I found myself in the middle of what seemed like a carnival all around me. Hundreds of people were quite happily cutting and taping their box homes together. The smell of pot combined with the radios brought the image of gypsys to mind, it was like a more decrepit Grateful Dead show, complete with comradery and greetings by name.

    Now I know it wasn't all as rosy as that moment indicated, not in any sense. I also drove and wandered through there at night. I saw the zombies wandering through the streets, high on car battery acid, the victims of violence, the prostitutes literally working out of porta-potties, and the gangs of crack dealers. The whole area reminded me of the sci-fi movie "Escape from New York," where Manhattan had been abandoned and was used as a prison with no police supervision. The cops never did anything here either, very little presence, a no-mans land where the citizenry make their own rules.

    What to do with this area? Whatever it is, the buildings need to be preserved, as they are great examples of early 20th century architecture, the homeless people need another place to go, they are already essentially out of sight of the wealthier denizens of the west side, tucked into a corner in a downtown that has something like 20% occupancy.

    Whatever the end result, and it won't be good for the street people, the whole scene needs to be documented thoroughly, as I don't think there is anywhere else quite like it. The seedy underbelly of a glamor drunk and corrupted region. Not for the faint of heart, but a must see for the more adventurous eyes out there.

    and if you chew tobacco, and wish upon a star,well you'll find out where the scarecrows sit,just like punchlines between the cars,and I know a place where a royal flush,can never beat a pair, and even thomas jefferson,is on the nickel over there.-Tom Waits